- If you were feeling guilty about that bag of miniature Snickers with Almonds that you ate right before Halloween, you can stop now. I opened a new bag yesterday and learned that there are only 14 bars in a bag. If you translate that to full-size candy bars, that's only like 3 or maybe 4. You aren't nearly as big of a pig as you thought you were.

- The deer are trying to attack my car. I'M ON TO YOU DEER--Stop hanging out at the side of the road and trying to time your jog across for the moment when I'm going to come passing through. I refuse to help you with your suicide mission. Just leave me and my car alone, thank you very much.

- If you give a Toddler one of her favorite vegetables (mini corn) and it's been doused in some sort of fiery Chinese sauce, she will eat a piece, scream bloody murder, eat another piece, scream bloody murder again, then eat yet another piece and scream bloody murder yet again. You should know that she can't resist the miniature corn goodness, even if she knows it's going to hurt her mouth. Not nice, Daddy!

- If your fantasy football team is struggling and you need a little pick-me-up, just schedule yourself to play me next week. I have an amazing ability to motivate oponents into having their best game of the season.

- Is it just me or is it physically impossible for the Steelers and Penguins to play well at the same time? Penguins in last place = Steelers SuperBowl victory. Steelers go 8-8 = Penguins in the playoffs.

- If I give Alexis a cup of blueberry applesauce and Daddy is not home, she will eat every bite without dropping so much as a speck. If Daddy is home, then she will somehow manage to spread the applesauce love all over her face, shirt, arms, table, chair, and walls.