I Think She Even Stole the Title for this Post
Saturday, November 3, 2007
burghbaby in Premonitions and Paybacks

It's a fact that all parents know; children will make you lose your mind. It starts the first night home from the hospital. You realize that they really didn't give you an instruction manual, you have no idea what to do, and HOLY HECK it wasn't a lie that babies wake up every three hours. The fearful sleep deprivation quickly sinks you to depths you never knew were possible.

Later, they suck a little more of your brain out by just being too damn cute for their own good. You find yourself enthralled by simple things like how adorable it is when they hold a rattle all by themselves for the very first time, because surely no other human being has ever before managed such an amazing feat. They drive you absolutely senseless what with their smiles and coos and giggles. You are fully aware that you are being sucked in, but it's worth it.

Throughout these early stages of insanity, you are pretty sure you are just a few moments of alone time away from regaining clarity. But then comes the worst stage of all. It's the stage where you decide that you truly have lost your mind because YOU CAN'T FIND ANYTHING ANYMORE. That camera you could swear you left on the dresser? Obviously you are mistaken because it's not there. You walk over the table where you set down the TV remote, only to think you must have left it elsewhere. You scour the house for your iPod because you just know you brought it in the house, but aren't sure where you put it.

Then it hits you. You live with a thief. A very short, very cute, very sly thief. You figure that it won't be that hard to find the missing items. After all, the thief is short. There aren't a lot of places below their four foot reach where they can hide things. But then weeks go by without any sign of the really invisible stick of deodorant. You have no idea where the thief is stashing things. Suddenly your house seems ten times it's size and the little pocket of space that's holding your prized possessions could be anywhere. It's the proverbial needle in a haystack.

For me, this morning it was the literal knitting needle in a haystack. The sweater that I have so lovingly been working on for the past few weeks is sitting stagnant on a needle, unable to move towards completion because--hello--you need two needles to knit. And needle number two is nowhere to be found. To complicate the situation, Alexis is fully capable of travelling up and down the stairs. So it's not like the needle's current hiding place can in any way be narrowed down. It might still be in the bedroom. But it could also be jammed under couch cushions, stashed in the trash can, buried below the bathroom sink, being used to dismantle Alexis' crib. For all I know, Alexis might have fed it to Meg.

I have tried asking Alexis where she hid it. In the past, she has led me to CDs that she's ripped from their players, bananas that I know she can't have eaten quite that quickly, and various other objects. But she's not budging on the whereabouts of that knitting needle. So I'll buy another pair, knowing full well that the odd number will drive me further down into the crazy abyss.

I am currently missing a knitting needle, a white gold necklace, an iPod case, the top to a mini chopper, a tube of Chapstick, one puppy puzzle piece, and my mind. If you have see them anywhere, please let me know.

Article originally appeared on burgh baby (http://www.theburghbaby.com/).
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