For the past few weeks, every single time I've gone to pick Alexis up from daycare a little boy with bright blond hair has come running up to me to give me a big hug, squealing "Mommy" all along the way. I'm pretty sure I don't remember giving birth to him. If I did, I couldn't tell you where that blond hair came from. But, it might explain why we don't seem to fit this email that was forwarded to me:
THE BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN
Your Clothes:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN
confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
Burgh Baby's House: I first started wearing maternity clothes right around 6 months. But that was only after I had scoured the earth for the lowest of low rise jeans and the longest of baggy shirts that weren't maternity.
Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing
didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidermal in your eighth month.
Burgh Baby's House: None of the above. I knew darn well that kid was never coming out on her own. I just waited around for the idiot doctors to figure it out. And I didn't know a darn thing about breathing because I refused to go to anything resembling a Lamaze class. Why would anyone intentionally place themselves in a room with 20 cranky pregnant women?
The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold
them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard
only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Burgh Baby's House: I remember an in-law mentioning something about pre-washing baby clothes. I tried not to look at her like she had two heads. Seriously, why? I don't pre-wash my own clothes, why would I pre-wash something that someone else was going to wear?
Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up
the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
Burgh Baby's House: Change #2 to "wails threaten to wake the dog" and you've got it.
The Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you
can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
Burgh Baby's House: Wipe it off on my shirt first. Interesting idea. I just popped it back in her mouth. After all, I wasn't the one that threw it on the floor.
Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it
or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain
about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
Burgh Baby's House: Does she smell? No? Then it can wait.
Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby
Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
Burgh Baby's House: If she's really lucky,I might drive past the playground on the way home from the grocery store. She likes to gaze longingly at the slides.
Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
Burgh Baby's House: Sitter? Who has money for a sitter after paying for daycare?
At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child
isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
Burgh Baby's House: If she's asleep, number 1. If she's awake, number 3.
Swallowing Coins:
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!
Burgh Baby's House: She's just plain not allowed to swallow a coin. Control issues? What? Me?
(Thanks, Ashley!)