I work with this guy who is married to this girl who wasn't feeling quite right for months. She kept having stomach pains and, in general, just didn't feel like herself. Back in November, she started having really bad, really sharp pains so she went to the Emergency Room. The diagnosis? Hello! You are having a baby RIGHT! NOW!

Yeah. Neither she nor her husband had any clue that she was pregnant. A fun little detail is that the girl cannot possibly weigh more than a buck ten soaking wet and carrying a Bulldog. She's LITTLE. Anybody else wondering how the heck that happens? I mean, I have heard of overweight women not showing, but a skinny little thing? How? And holy lifestyle change, Batman!

Anyway, I have been marveling at this whole thing for two months now. My brain quite simply cannot wrap itself around it. Now, I can understand why the husband didn't realize what was going on; Mr. Chatterbox is usually so busy talking that he doesn't know other people are in the room. But how did she not know? First there's the appearance thing. The man on the moon could see that I was pregnant two years ago without even getting out his telescope. 65 pounds and ALL belly will do that. I'm guessing she probably didn't gain that much wait, but still. Then you've got the heartburn, nausea, sleeplessness, swelling, constipation, tiny human karate chopping your ribs, constant peeing, tiny human kicking the crap out of all of your vital organs, and all the other joys of pregnancy. Huh? What? Eh? How do you not notice these things?

I wonder endlessly about the how, but then there's also the whole idea of not having a little time to adjust to the idea of being parents. This was their first kid, so it's not like they were adding to the Duggar clan. They had to buy all the things that come with kids, suddenly stop getting sleep, and, and, and . . . the list of changes just goes on and on and on.

I would love to ask the guy all of the questions that run through my mind every time I see a photo of his daughter in his office, but like I said, he rarely notices that anyone else is in the room. However, I found out today that his wife may be at an event next week. The filter that stops by mouth from saying things my brain thinks it shouldn't malfunctions frequently, and apparently the warranty is no longer valid. This could be a problem. I'm pretty sure I'm going to spew some WTH? and How do you? kind of questions that would offend anyone that seriously has got to feel like they are the victim of the world's biggest practical joke.

On one hand I'm hoping she doesn't show up because I just know she's going to want to kick my butt after I ask her 6,000 questions (good thing she's smaller than me, I should be able to take her). On the other hand, the answers to so many of my life mysteries could end up solved. Perhaps I should start writing my questions down and have everyone I know edit them for rudeness. Maybe that would work . . . if she shows up.