I'm about to type a string of words I NEVER thought would even cross my mind. It almost hurts to say it. Actually, it DOES hurt to say it. Real, physical pain.

North Dakotans do Halloween right.

Now, I am NOT one to give North Dakotans credit for anything. There's a reason I ran from that place as fast as I could when I was 17 and barely glanced back.

It's weird there.

But, after tonight, I'm beginning to see the advantages to the weirdness.

North Dakotans are a special breed. They are exceptionally polite. They look out for others. They are extremely trust-worthy. They are honest. They aren't in a hurry. Just a tiny example, you can leave your car running while you run into Wal-Mart there. Without locking the doors. You'll still have a car when you get back. You might even come back to find that somebody has brushed the snow off your car because people there just plain look out for one another.

There is, of course, a downside to this. People look out for one another. In other words, everybody is always all up in everybody's business. Since the place is seriously lacking in population, that means that EVERYBODY knows EVERYTHING that you do.

I suppose that lends itself to why Halloween there is kick-ass. Ain't nobody getting away with putting razor blades in candy when EVERYBODY knows exactly who is handing out the snack-sized Snickers bars. No kids are getting kidnapped when EVERYBODY knows who is walking down the street and when they are doing it. It's like Big Brother is everywhere, and really that can be pretty darn useful if you are the parent of small children.

The other thing they do right is LOTS of organized opportunities to trick-or-treat. Sure, you can totally set kids free for a few hours in a neighborhood, but you can also manage to hit three or four good complexes/organized candy orgies in one night. Of course, it helps that Halloween is ON FREAKIN' HALLOWEEN.

I don't know if it's a Pittsburgh thing or what, but I had to actually look up when Halloween is in our little township. The schedule for Halloween all over the greater Pittsburgh area? ALL OVER THE PLACE. Depending on where you live, it could have been Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, or even Saturday.

What is this thing where Halloween is scheduled for some night that is not Halloween? And WHY IS IT SCHEDULED?

Can't we just go out on October 31st and select the time based on what is appropriate for our kid? I mean, the little kids go while it's still light out and the bigger kids get to stay out a little past dark and the really big kids wrap up the night by staying out until 9 or 10:00.

We can't be trusted to do that? We HAVE to trick-or-treat at the assigned time on the assigned date? Really?

Please explain this to me. I am confuzzled.

(Photo is from gymnastics on Tuesday. The kids were allowed to wear costumes and Alexis decided to sport the Snow White gear after having worn Minnie Mouse to no less than three Halloween events already.)