Lately Alexis has decided that sleep? Is so not worth her time. For over a week she has been waking up SOBBING five, six, seven, eleventy billion times per night. Needless to say, this has left Mr. Husband and I to function at a wee bit less than our A-Game. I'd say we're hovering somewhere around our D-Game, which is why it didn't occur to me until yesterday to just ask her what the heck is going on.

Her answer? "I scared."

Totally helpful considering even my sleep-deprived brain had long ago figured out that she was probably having bad dreams. Why else wake up sobbing, y'know? So I drilled her some more and eventually it came to light that there is a monster under her bed.

A monster.

That seemed workable.

So when I tucked her in for the night, we did a monster check all around her bedroom. She was confident that everything was OK, so we turned out the lights, played our usual game of Steal a Kiss, and off I went to try and get some work done on my laptop while watching perhaps the greatest comeback in the history of the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Just as the Pens managed to close a 5-2 deficit to one goal, Alexis started screaming. Of course neither Mr. Husband nor I was in a big hurry to stop watching the game, so we admittedly let things go on for a minute or two longer than usual in hopes that Alexis would just go back to sleep and leave us out of it.

A few minutes later Mr. Husband caved and went upstairs to console the poor kid. She told him all about the monster under her bed. I'm guessing that would be right around the time he pretended to smash it because I heard a crashing sound loud enough to wake my Freaked-Out Mom Senses. I dashed upstairs to find the two of them talking about monsters.

It was at that moment that I realized just how differently Man Brain works from Woman Brain.

Mr. Husband's answer? He would kill it. Beat it up. Smash it. Punch it. If Alexis got scared, all she had to do was let him know and he would happily blast the monster into a million little pieces.

Of course, my sissy Woman Brain was all, "WOAH! Now, Cowboy, don't be adding violence to the fear!" I suggested we look under the bed again, maybe turn on a night light, and pull out the maracas because OF COURSE monsters are scared of maracas, right?

(You can't blame me for trying.)

I'm thinking that we really need to get a good night's sleep because neither one of us was able to figure out a way to calm her down. Last night was not a good one.

Round Two of Monster Booty Kicking started tonight, but I don't yet know how that's going to turn out. I just know that we sent two monsters swimming in the saltwater tank this evening, helping it to truly cement it's title as the Saltwater Tank of Horrors.

BTW, Alexis described the monster as red and furry, and says it's name is Elmo.

Like I said, that fish tank truly is the Saltwater Tank of Horrors.