What Not to Wear (In My House)

'Tis the season. The season for all the moms and grandmas to go shopping for that very special little dress for that very special little girl. It's no secret that I'm uber-conservative in my opinions of kids clothing. I don't like pink, I don't like ruffles, and I don't like anything that reminds me of Mimi from The Drew Carey Show. I prefer simple clothes for Alexis and find most of her stuff on the clearance racks at the Gap Outlet.

Which is why I have never bought her a "Christmas dress." That's not to say she's never had one; I leave that to my mother-in-law. Who likes pink. And ruffles. And girly stuff. You see, she has a bunch of boys, and never had a chance to shop for a baby girl until Alexis came along.

Despite the fact that we don't necessarily like the same kinds of little girl clothes, I think we can agree that certain standards should be maintained when it comes to buying a Christmas dress for Alexis. Now, that isn't to say that there is anything wrong with any of these things, they just aren't right for Alexis. And maybe all of humanity.

Alexis is a Northerner. Odds are she'll have snow for Christmas, and if she doesn't? She will surely have freezing temps. It's a fact. So, why-oh-why so many places around here carry sleeveless dresses for kids is beyond me. Especially sleeveless wedding dresses parading around as Christmas dresses. In toddler sizes.

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I know, I know. That's a pretty dress. FOR ME, NOT FOR MY 2-YEAR OLD. Personal taste, n'at.

This is another one that's not all that bad:

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However, if you look REAL close, you'll notice that kid's legs are all bruised and beaten. That's because she can't see her feet around all that fluff and she's continually looking at the flower petals as they shift around inside that dress. Or, at least, that's what Alexis would do. I can absolutely picture the kid running into walls, tables, and Bulldogs while she stares at petals and tries to take the exact right step as to shift one two inches to the left.

I don't think I even need to tell you why this? Would be a VERY VERY VERY VERY bad idea for Alexis. Or any kid.

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In all honesty, that would be a bad idea for ANYONE. Especially me.

Also falling into the category of making me look real bad is this little trio:

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Sure, Alexis and I are smashing in our matching pajamas, but that's in OUR house. Not public. And we sure as hell don't include Baby Shell in our 70's retro matching scheme.

BTW, 1970 called and it wants it's velvet and gingerbread men back:

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I don't know who wants this back:

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Pink + red + green = My eyes bleeding cause I stuck a spork in them.

I have no comment:

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Nope, no comment.

Everywhere you look, there are Christmas dresses with aprons. Nothing says Stepford Wives stuck in the 60's like teaching your kid that she should be in the kitchen baking cookies with her cheery little apron on, y'know.

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But, at least the Stepford dress doesn't look like an elf costume.

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Note: Costumes are for Halloween. Any usage of them beyond the parameters of Halloween is WRONG. (I'm talking to you, Miss I Keep Dressing Up as Belle at School Every Day.)

Finally, I recently took Alexis to see Madagascar 2, which prompted her to turn into a huuuuuge fan of Gloria. We spent weeks trying to score the "girl hippo" toy at McDonald's. We failed, and I know Alexis would be very happy to find that hippo under the tree on Christmas morning. That's no reason to take things this far, though:

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Comments

[Anglophile Football Fanatic]

Maybe instead of digging like this, I should send Alexis an outfit....

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