Now on to more of your questions. This time, I'm answering Jen and Flea. Jen is one of the funniest people I know and thought she would be all cool and stump me. Alas, it is not meant to be.

1. Why do we drive on the parkway, and park in a driveway? I don't drive on a parkway, I drive on an interstate highway. All you Burgh people that refuse to call a road by its real name are just trying to confuse those of us that haven't lived here our entire lives. There ain't no darn sign saying "Parkway West" or "Parkway East." The end.

2. Why do you have to "put your two cents in". But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Everyone thinks their own opinion is most valuable. If I'm telling you mine, it's worth two cents. If I decide I want your opinion, it's going to be worth half as much.

3. Why does a round pizza come in a square box? Make me a round box and I will see if I can change the world. When you're doing it, make sure there's enough room around the edges for me to quickly shove my greedy little fingers in there when I desperately want a slice, but also make sure the pizza doesn't slide around too much.

4. What disease did cured ham actually have? Typhoink.

5. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? That is directly related to the woman's movement. Back in the day, men were polite and carried things for their women. As a man would never take the time to figure out how to make life easier (it's against their genetic makeup to simplify anything), luggage didn't have wheels. Then came the women's movement and some women tried to convince the world that men shouldn't be quite that polite. Many men became insensitive jerks and made their wives/girlfriends carry their own damn luggage. Women quickly discovered the need to facilitate the process. It was either add wheels or figure out a way to take a vacation with only one pair of shoes.

6. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. They need to go put on their protective contact lenses that prevent them from going blind when they have to look at stark-white flesh, fat rolls, cellulite, and wretched stretch marks. Or maybe that's just my doctor.

7. Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? You've got two boobs, but only one you know (no need to get Google heading here for that word, you know.

8. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? There is? Where I have been? OK, well, I'm going to guess that his Mom made up the song. You know his Mom cares, even if the rest of us don't.

9. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? He's a man. Of course he is more adept at all things mechanical/electrical than he is making holes happy.

10. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Actually, no, I have not noticed it. Both of our dogs LOVE when I blow in their faces. Perhaps your breath is not quite outdoors-y fresh?

11. Did you ever wonder why you are friends with me in the first place? Nope.

The last question of the day came from Flea, who is convinced that my birth certificate does not list Burgh Baby's Mom as my first name. She's onto something there, I'll adMit. While I'm addressing the question, I will say that the reason I don't use mIne and Mr. Daddy's name on the blog is purely beCause I don't want a Google search for us to come Here. I don't think anything productivE could come of a potential future employer finding out that all we ever taLk about is how we never get any sleep and that the highlight of our day would be if Alexis were to ever poop in the potty. Our last name is just common sense off limits, our first names are to make it a littLe more difficult to confirm who wE are. Our first names together with Pittsburgh would make it easy to find this blog, so I try to block that. Anyway, Flea, your answer is in the paragraph (What? You thought I was just going to tell you? No way! The guessing game was way too fun.)

Nobody asked, but I also wanted to let the world know that the reason there are two legs in pants is so that you can place each of YOUR legs into EACH of the pants legs. Failure to do so will result in frustration.