Dear Two,

Hi, there. How have you been? I have been fantastic. Frankly, it's because you haven't been around for a while. I'm sorry, but you really aren't my favorite body snatcher. If we're being honest, and I think we should be, I could have done without ever seeing your face again. The Toddler is just SO FUN when you aren't controlling her little body.

The funny thing is I almost didn't recognize you, what with that new two-faced mask you've taken to wearing. That's pretty clever how you look and act differently depending on which parent is in the room. I admit it's been slightly humorous for me to see Hissy only come out for Mr. Husband. He, however, is not amused. It seems he's not a fan of when you make the Toddler throw temper tantrums. You might want to be careful with that one, Two. He can be a bit irritable.

Saving Nora for me? That was genius. Really, I have to give you full credit. The first few dozen times I saw Nora, I had no idea how to respond. My generally agreeable kid suddenly saying "No" to my every request certainly threw me for a loop. But you know what, Two? I'm not going to take it anymore. Just to be clear, if I say, "Alexis, put your toys away, please," your options are:

a) Allow the child to say, "OK" then start cleaning up the toys,
b) Allow the child to say, "Yes, ma'am" then start cleaning up the toys,
c) Remain silent, but start cleaning up the toys.

There is no option d. There is no "None of the above." And responding with a "No?" Absolutely not acceptable. Period.

Go away, Two, and take Hissy and Nora with you. Thanks.

Sincerely,
The Lady Who Will Not be Told No by a Two-Year Old