Dear Alexis,

I was all set to write you a heartfelt letter about how much I have enjoyed that hour after I pick you up from school all this week. The change in the weather has paved the way for sidewalk chalk, peek-a-boo behind the flowers, and endless rides down the slide. It's been amazing spending that time with you. But, then you went and did it again. Or rather, you didn't do it again. So, instead, let's talk about the kids, mmkay?

The kids.

The kids want to swim in the pool.

What kid doesn't want to swim in the pool? Really. The fact that you hang a billboard all over your face when you're about to drop the kids off in that Dora diaper should make it real easy for us to scoop you up and plop you down over the pool, but you refuse.

You vehemently refuse.

Alexis honey, you are denying the kids their right -as kids- to go for a swim. Today's kids could be halfway to the ocean by now, practicing the butterfly and backstroke while bonding with other kids their age. Instead, they are stuck down in the dark, stinky garage with the dogs' kids. Do you know how cruel that is? No one should have to be around the dogs' kids. That's like locking you in a room with the stinky snot-nosed toddler who likes to bite and hit everybody. While your kids are far from sweet bundles of joy dropped from the heavens, they do not deserve to spend their days surrounded by those smelly brats.

While I get a bit of a kick out of you dropping the kids off on Dora's face, it's time to make some dreams come true. All the kids. In the pool. Now.

Thank you.

Love always,
Mommy (who is totally ready to never change another stinky diaper again)