While we were in Cleveland, I saw something that I haven't been able to get out of my head. Somewhere in the mall we visited, we came across some a store that sold custom-made dolls. Alexis LOVED the dolls. They were adorably life-like with cute little faces, realistic little bodies, charming little outfits, and came complete with an $89 price tag. For obvious reasons, we put the babies back in their beds and left empty-handed.

Over a week later, I find myself regretting that we didn't buy one of those dolls. I know, I need slapped. No two-year old needs an $89 doll, even if she does take really good care of her toys and almost never asks for things when we are in a store and she would treasure that doll for years and she has been pretty well-behaved lately and it could wear real baby clothes and they were all so cute and

FINE.

I want the doll.

There. I said it. I want the stupid $89 doll. However, we aren't about to jump in the car and drive two hours just to buy me a new doll. So, this morning I figured I would see if I could find them online. I asked Mr. Google for some custom made dolls and he showed me this:

Um, yeah. That's not exactly what I was looking for. Actually, that image kind of creeps me out. So I tried again and got this:

*shudders*

Clearly, we have a pattern on our hands. I knew there were a bunch of crazies living in the Internet and I knew there were doll crazies in this world, but I HAD NO IDEA the depths of loony the doll crazies could conjure if they found the Internet. I feel the need to share a few of the faces that will be haunting my dreams tonight. You're welcome.

These dolls aren't so bad, but those outfits are the stuff of nightmares. And maybe flashbacks, but I can't talk about that without my shrink in the room.

This one is 40 inches tall and I'm pretty sure she could kick my butt.

In fact, I'm pretty sure she knows how to use a puzzle piece as a ninja weapon of human destruction.

It looks like she already had her first victim:

You can tell me that all those scratches and bruises just make that thing look life-like, but I then get to tell you that you are wacked out. Dolls should not look like their faces were pulverized with a puzzle piece.

Nor should they have evil eyes that can bore holes in my soul.

While I'm pretty sure that doll is doing the devil's work, this one is just plain pissed off:

Her description claims that she is "lifelike and sweet." Um, yeah. Sweet. I must be confused as to the meaning of that word.

Speaking of pissed off dolls, check this one out:

You know what she's thinking? OK, nothing because she is a doll. But, if she were a kid? She would be thinking about how pissed off she is that someone took her picture while she had that doily on her head. That ain't nice.

This one isn't really all that bad:

But it's female counter-part sure is.

I swear on a big package of gummy worms, I have seen the grown-up human version of that doll working the night shift at Waffle House. However, I have never before seen a doll that looked like it smoked two packs a day.

This one is looking to heaven in hopes of having it's prayers heard. It's praying that the Harley chick drops her cigarette ash on that outfit and the whole thing goes up in a cloud of smoke.

At some point during my over-priced doll quest, I started to consider the idea of having a doll made that looks like Alexis. But then I saw this:

Say what you want, that is a 10 on the Creep-O-Meter if you ask me.

This one is about a 13 on the Creep-O-Meter:

Dolls should not look like they are straight out of somebody's va-jay-jay. Never.

I could keep going on for hours with all the scary stuff I found while trying to find a cute new doll that wouldn't give me nightmares, but I have a Penguins game to watch. So I'll leave you with this:

You are so very welcome.