Let's make one thing very clear: I am asking for advice. I normally run screaming from the very thought of asking the Internet for advice for anything even remotely related to parenting because that is akin to asking a mother-in-law for advice, except that it's asking dozens of mothers-in-law for advice all at once. I'm liable to end up with all kinds of stupidness flying around in comments, but I asked for it. Give it to me.

So. The Toddler. She has a sort of a cold thing going on right now. Her nose is trying to make a run for Mexico (again) and she has this little cough thing going.

You, on the couch--shut up, she is not sick because she was sharing her food with the dog the other day. That is PURE COINCIDENCE.

Anyway, the Toddler has not yet mastered the art of covering her mouth when she coughs. Oh, sure, she understands the concept. Right after she spews the entire contents of her lungs all over my face, she slaps her tiny fingers over her mouth and grins like an idiot, her eyes clearly saying, "Look, Mommy, aren't you proud I remembered to cover my mouth?"

If the hand slapping had occurred before I realized just how stankerific her morning breath can be, then I would be proud. But no, the hand slap is after the cough. Always. After the cough.

The problem would be that the kid doesn't cough frequently enough for us to practice this whole hand-over-the-mouth skill until we (and by "we" I mean SHE) fully understand it. I could hand her a pack of Marlboro lights and get her coughing like a pro once she was hooked on a pack a day, but that somehow seems wrong.

So how the heck do you teach a kid to cover their mouth BEFORE they repeatedly force you to smell last night's dinner?

Note: This particular kid is NOT bribeable. Trust me, I've been there.