It was a long weekend. Actually, I take that back. It was a really long weekend. What should have been an opportunity to spend some valuable extra time with Alexis instead turned out to be a continuous test of just how patient Mr. Husband and I can be with her. She was suffering from a very severe case of Toddler Mouth all weekend, and it wasn't pretty. It was sort of like dealing with a toddler version of Paris Hilton, minus the sex tape and with an extra dose of I'll-Do-What-I-Want-Because-I-am-Invicible-itis.

She threw fits when we suggested that she eat something. Then she threw more fits when we suggested she not eat something. She yelled at us when we asked her to stop climbing on the table. She yelled at us when she fell off the table. Her head spun round like Linda Blair in The Exorcist when I asked her to pick up her toys. Her head spewed hatred when she couldn't find any of her toys because I took them away.

Conversations like this were the norm:

Me: Alexis, please stop hitting the dog.
Alexis: NO!
Me: ALEXIS, THAT'S ENOUGH.
Alexis: That's not nice. Say sorry.
Me: That's right. Stop hitting the dog and say sorry.
Alexis: (hitting dog harder) NO! YOU SAY SORRY!

I wish I could say it was just a few isolated incidents, but that's not the case. It was more like her fun moments were isolated. The Toddler Mouth was constant, and it was mean. I think the only cure for Toddler Mouth is to suture the toddler's mouth shut, but unfortunately I couldn't find a needle, heavy gauge wire, and a padlock anywhere. In fact, late Monday morning, after she yelled at me to "Go away" because I told her to stop breaking her crayons, I found myself just plain not liking her. I know I shouldn't admit that, but at that moment, she was not my friend. Which is interesting, because she followed up "Go away" by saying, "You not my friend."

Toddler Mouth sucks.

Perhaps the worst violation, however, came Saturday while we were grabbing bubble bath for her at Target. We always let her pick which kind she wants. She usually goes for Dora or Mr. Bubble, but her Toddler Mouth was MAJORLY acting up. As she pointed to the bottle she wanted, she uttered a word I had never heard her say before--one that I didn't even realize she knew.

She said, "Princess."

I can only hope that is the last time that vile word comes out of her mouth.