Mr. Husband and I are quickly approaching our 8th wedding anniversary on June 3rd. Since we are ever-so patient and ever-so romantic, we already exchanged gifts as we passed each other in the dining room last night. I've been holding his gift for a while because a stroke of genius came over me (in the form of a forwarded link from Mr. Husband--if he doesn't like what he got, then he shouldn't have asked if he should buy it). It was the PERFECT anniversary gift--a GPS. After all, nothing says "I lurve you and always will" like a GPS system. Especially when the GPS system is super-marked down and cheaper than you've ever seen one. That's romance right there.

Today was the debut of the fancy little GPS system, specifically the TomTom. Except, Mr. Husband set TomTom to use an Austin Powers voice, so I think we should call it AusTom. Anyway, AusTom was assigned to leading us to a fish store that we had never been to before (we are in the midst of restocking the Fishtank of Horrors--the worms need company). AusTom comes complete with a few little issues:

1. AusTom seemed to be under the impression that we needed to drive over the bridge, through the woods, around the block, down the street, and then back again to get to our destination. Once I saw where the joint was located, I was all WTH? We could have gotten there 20 minutes faster if we had taken a different route. You know, the DIRECT route.

2. Probably 5 minutes of that wasted time was due to AusTom's very significant design flaw--men don't listen to directions. Whether those directions come via a wife, a neighbor, a stranger, or a GPS, men quite simply are not programmed to listen to directions. It's a fact.

3. Even though she had no idea who or what was talking, the Toddler thought everything AusTom said warranted a, "Goodbye!" Every.single.time.

So, two minutes in the car went a little like this:

AusTom: Turn left in 100 yards.
Mr. Husband immediately turns left.
Toddler: Goodbye!
AusTom: Turn around at the next opportunity.
Toddler: Goodbye!
Mr. Husband: What did it say?
Me: It said to turn around.
AusTom: Turn right in 500 yards.
Mr. Husband immediately turns left.
Toddler: Goodbye!
AusTom: Turn right in 200 yards.
Toddler: Goodbye!
Mr. Husband drives past turn.
Me (cause I'm an IDIOT): You missed your turn.
Mr. Husband: Where?
AusTom: Turn left in 50 feet.
Toddler: Goodbye!
Mr. Husband: I didn't miss my turn.
AusTom: Turn left in 10 feet.
Toddler: Goodbye!
Me: Yes, you did.
AusTom: Turn around at next opportunity.
Toddler: Goodbye!
Me: See, you missed your turn.
AusTom: Turn right in 300 yards.
Toddler: Goodbye!

If you follow AusTom's directions, you'll find the remnants from when my head exploded all over Pittsburgh.

Goodbye!