I am a trainer. I train people. OK, well these days I don't actual stand in front of a room full of 30 annoying people and talk, I tell other people how to stand in front of a room full of 30 annoying people and talk. But, I used to have to do it. Mostly I used to train people on how to use various software applications, but before I fell into that world of joy, I was one of those people that stood in front of a room and taught you all about how to communicate more effectively, provide better customer service, work as part of a team, and various other topics that were FREAKIN' ANNOYING.

Yeah. I was that irritating woman who talked about concepts that didn't make any sense and could never actually be used in the real world. I might have even made you *gasp* role play *gasp*.

(*ducks to avoid all the shoes being thrown*)

Except.

An amazing thing has occurred to me.

At least one of the craptacular concepts I used to train ACTUALLY WORKS ON THE TODDLER!

There's this thing that I used to cover in conflict resolution training that basically says that if someone is doing or saying something and they won't stop, you should practice XYZ. XYZ is when you say, "I feel (fill in the blank) when you (fill in the blank). I wish you would (fill in the blank)."

So.

When I heard Alexis was scratching kids' faces at daycare, I told her, "I feel sad when you scratch other kids. I wish you would please play nice without hurting them." When Alexis thought it would be Great! Fun! to throw a bunch of puzzle pieces all over the nice clean living room, I said, "I feel sad when you throw things. I wish you would please pick up your mess." When she got the fantabular idea in her head to smear her beans all over the cat, I told her, "I feel sad when you get the kitty dirty. I wish you would stop."

Hell if the kid didn't obey my wish in every.single.instance. It's like magical and stuff. For whatever reason, "sad" is the only emotion that gets her attention, but that's OK. I can be sad. No problem! Sad it is. I mean, she even apologizes when I use XYZ on her. Awesome.

Go forth and XYZ. Report back your results.

In the meantime, I think I'll be using XYZ to tell Alexis that I feel sad and icky when she tries to eat lilies and that I wish she would quit making me throw up in my mouth.

Blech.

"Ook, Mommy! Pretty flowers!"

"Mommy! Flowers smell pretty!"

"Ook, Mommy! This pretty flower would fit ever so perfectly in my cute little mouth. You know, the mouth that I use to kiss you. I wonder what pollen tastes like? Mmmm . . . tastes like chicken. Want some?"