You Were Warned So Quit Your Whining--It's Creepy Doll Time
A funny thing happened after I posted those Creepy dolls a while back; people started to think of me when they encountered anything creepy doll-related. It's so flattering. I think. Maybe. Maybe not. Anyway, since people were kind enough to take time out of their day to send me nightmares, I figured I would be caring enough to share the love. I do, after all, care about you. And you. And you. And, yes, even you cowering in the corner. You will need to open your eyes. Thanks.
First there was a link to a video explaining the "other" side of the story forwarded by Oraeley. Beware of that video, though, because it can lead to hours of appalling YouTube video viewing. There is just SOOOO much freaky to behold.
Later there there were numerous people who sent me the story about how police smashed a window to "rescue" a reborn doll when it was mistaken for a real kid. I have to admit, I nearly fell out of my chair laughing at the story.
Then there was the story Pam sent me about edible dolls made out of marzipan. Check 'em out, they are tiny and certainly not appetizing in appearance.
Creepy? Yes. Edible? No. It turned out that part of the email forward was a hoax. Thank goodness.
Sadly, I can't say the same for the edible baby Gina and Modern Matriarch sent me. This is a cake, yo. A very expensive cake.
You know, I've always dreamed of eating a chocolate baby head. That cake is so (NOT) going to be my next birthday cake.
All those emails/tweets/messages got me to thinking. I realized that I hadn't noticed any action going on with the creator of my favorite dolls. I checked out ebay and discovered that the seller had closed up shop. Never one to be deterred, I turned to Google and asked him where or where she had gone.
At first Mr. Google was all HEY! RICHARD SIMMONS HAS DOLLS! And I was all, huh? What? It turns out that Richard Simmons does indeed have a doll line. So I asked self, "Self, whatever in the world is he doing with a doll line?" Self replied, "Self, take a look at one of those dolls. Obviously, he's making them so that people will end up too freaked out to eat."
Tell me that thing doesn't look exactly like Richard Simmons in drag. I guarantee that if you still that thing in your fridge, you'll lose ten pounds in a week.
Since you won't be eating them anyways, you can always use apples to make some dolls. No, really. People use dried apples to make doll heads. See:
The do get cuter when you put the heads on some sort of body.
Or not.
The problem with the apple head dolls is that they just aren't realistic enough. This is a little more like it.
Actually, I take it back. That one is not realistic enough. THIS one is the realistic, um, queen? Princess?
Um, yeah. I really, really, really, really don't want to know who or what buys life-size excessively realistic dolls. Oh, and your welcome that I censored the image. The original? Will burn your retinas.
After a VERY brief venture into Googling realistic dolls in search of my favorite creator, I came across some not realistic but still creepy images.
Dolls should have faces. Not like the apples up there, but they should have faces. Please and thank you.
How about this face?
Ha! I just heard you jump out of your chair! That doll is intentionally creepy. The lady who makes them obviously has an interesting sense of humor. I think we could be friends.
After that foray into my next Halloween project, I found her. Yes, I found my favorite reborn doll creator. She was hiding in plain sight once I correctly remembered her name. The good news is that she's been busy lately. The bad news is that she is now charging $700 per doll. I guess I'll never get to have this precious widdle baby:
I'm sad, because really, she's fantastic. Oh, the fun I could have pushing her around in a stroller and letting the Toddler drag her by a leg . . . It's a shame. Really. I mean, look at her! Realistic veining! Realistic hair! Realistic crabby face!
You're welcome.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Reader Comments (62)
Nooooo'sssssss. Not right.
You know which dolls scare me? The ones that people put in their gardens that look like little kids in time out, backs facing you, head in their hands. Turn those suckers around, THEY ARE FACELESS. FUCK. THAT.
this..... is terrifying. and i <3 it!
thanx for making my Wednesday more interesting.
the last doll scares me and will haunt me for weeks. As for the realistic woman doll, uhm, yeah, don't want to know.
Good Lord - I KNEW I should have just marked all your blog posts as read. But no - I just HAD to look. And now I'm traumatized.
Thanks for that.
I saw that My Fake Baby documentary last year on YouTube and was totally freaked out and mesmerized. It IS like a train wreck. I couldn't stop watching.
SO BIZARRE. And that last baby? Ew.
You suck.
Be prepared. One day, on your doorstep, a little gift, from me to you. Just wait.
Now, if you'll excuse me I need to vomit, and call my Mommy.
Ack!
I did think of you not too long ago while reading some stupid magazine at the car dealership. There was an add fo M&M baby dolls--teeny tiny realistic looking baby dolls with M&M shirts. You should feel special that we think of you when we see creepy dolls!
That was terrifying.
Who on earth could eat that cake? Who?
that was great, of course im saying that because im totally into this kind of stuff. i would eat that cake. *evil smile* lol
Hello, I am a cake decorator and I just have a quick comment as to the "creepy" nature of the marzipan dolls. I realize you said they are in fact not real, but I frequently craft these little "edible" babies for baby shower cakes. I agree to think of eating them is quite disgusting, however let me shed a little light on this subject. They are USUALLY not eaten, and are merely put on a cake as a cute icon representative of the baby on the way. The cool thing about these little figurines is that much like ceramic or plastic, they will last forever, but it is nice to have allt hings edible on a cake. So maybe some of you can sleep after hearing this tidbit of info! I have also seen the baby cake before and while it is incredible and shows tremendous talent and skill, it is SOOOOO creepy. If you ever google "litter box cake" or "poop cake" you will truly be disgusted! These are the only cake orders I ever turn away. Though the idea behind the last request for quite witty, it was such a disgusting combination of food and feces that I refused to envision it and especially to create it with my name attached thereto, but this was what the lady wanted: A birthday cake for her cheating husband that said "It's your birthday who gives a shit" and a big pile of dung atop the cake...again, quite funny and witty but tooooooooo disgusting for my mind!
I have to tread lightly on this topic, because the whole thing is a little disturbing to me. Lifelike baby dolls, dubbed Reborn Babies or a Reborn Baby, started out being made and traded by a handful of enthusiasts in the United Kingdom. These dolls have since turned into a trend that many say is macabre and scary. Some psychologists worry about the mental sanity of those who own these dolls, and the dolls have wrecked social havoc on a number of occasions.
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