When I enrolled Alexis in gymnastics lessons, I have to admit I had a few ulterior motives. While the main reason I enrolled her was the hope that she would have some fun, I certainly consider it a bonus if the kid manages to somehow learn to be slightly less klutzy. I would love for her to go from having the grace of a buffalo wearing high heels to that of a tutu-wearing hippopotamus.

So far, that is soooo not working out. I swear the kid has a lead weight in her head because she winds up landing on it several times a day. Her head is abnormally ginormous (if I had permission from the other kids' parents I would show you photos from a daycare picnic which clearly shows her head is twice the width of all the other kids--she may be a blockhead, but she's MY blockhead). She has always had a big head, and will probably always have a big head. At some point in time she's going to have to figure out how to keep it above her shoulders on a consistent basis.

When the kid isn't knocking her noggin on the floor, she's on her butt. I don't understand it, I just know that she manages to fall flat on her tush at least a dozen times per day. Sometimes she's running like a madwoman and falls, sometimes she's spinning like a top and falls, and sometimes she's doing something highly recommended like jumping on the couch and falls.

If I had a dollar for each time I have yelled at her to quit jumping on the couch, I would have enough money to hire the kid a few bodyguards to protect her from herself.

The path to less klutz seems to be a bit too late. A few nights ago, the awkward buffalo was bouncing on the couch, getting yelled at, and then felt the need to prove my point by falling off. Of course her booty landed right on the edge of a puzzle box. Across her behind is a very lovely inch wide bruise.

It looks like we spanked her with a stick.

It's been two days. The bruise is pretty dang noticeable if you're changing her diaper. I'm torn on one little issue. Is the fact that daycare hasn't mentioned it because they haven't noticed it, or is it because they have met her and her klutzy buffalo ways?

(BTW, she's not There's Something Wrong Klutzy, she's A Father's Daughter Klutzy.)