Ever since gas prices became the least funny joke in the history of jokes, I've had to change up my grocery buying habits. While I once was willing to cruise six miles to get to a Big Fancy Pretty Store even if I only needed one thing, now I'm forced to go to a little place I like to call Try 'n Save. Try 'n Save is RIDICULOUSLY expensive and it makes me crazy. However, it's so close to our house that I could probably strap a credit card to the Bulldog, throw a stick, and have her come back with a gallon of milk. You know, if the Bully were smart enough to be useful and stuff.

After a few weeks of having to slum it at Try 'n Save, I have come to realize that they reason they are so expensive is that they are all about the customer service. It's not that they provide good customer service, because HAHAHAHAHAHA! As if! It's that they try to do little things that maybe sort of make a difference.

For example, if it's raining? The cart guys are standing by the door with giant umbrellas. They chase you to and fro, forcing you to walk under their green and white rain protection. Don't bother telling them "no" because that doesn't work. They MUST keep you from having so much as a drop of rain touch you're little head.

I'm OK with it.

What I'm not OK with is the fact that the "Good Customer Service" is clearly forced. Another of their little gimmicks is that they offer kids a balloon and lollipop. Sure, that's sounds like a nice thing to do, but they do it at the check out when you're on your way out. Um, hello? Try 'n Save? Audrey does not appreciate lollipops. At all. In fact, she whimpers anytime something sticky and wet comes within thirty feet of her. I've even caught Audrey trying to slam her doors when the Toddler walked up to her. Sticky + 2-year old = bad.

As for the balloon, the Toddler still likes to try to find out if balloons are really just giant lollipops and she wants to know how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll. *Chomp!* Yeah. I could do without having my kid scream because she scared the poop out of herself biting a balloon. I wouldn't mind so much if we were partaking in that fun family activity while shopping, but I sure as heck ain't doing it in the car where I can't share the joy with 50+ strangers. That sort of entertainment requires an audience.

So every time the Toddler and I get to the checkout, someone wanders up and asks if the short person can have a balloon. I very much so appreciate that they ask, because the answer is ALWAYS, "No, thank you." Always. I'm not entirely sure why they ask, though, because when I say no? They usually look at me with a wounded expression usually reserved for the death of puppies and the realization that Santa is a drunk. If I don't get that lovely look, then I get a Jedi Death Glare. It's as if I am a Horrible No Good Mother because I deprive my kid of balloons and lollipops.

I hate when customer services comes complete with a heavy dose of guilt.

*******************************************************************************
We're donating all September ad revenue to the Flight 93 Memorial Fund, and at this point we're not quite on track to reach the imaginary goal I have set. Every little click helps the cause, so why not take a second and read all about the about how Audrey and I like to screw with each others heads (she has yet to beat me), or about the time I finally realized it was safe to shop with the Toddler in tow?