Back in the Stone Ages (otherwise known as college) I worked at Walt Disney World. It was only for a semester, and it was part of something called the College Program. Disney trolls colleges and universities nationwide a few times a year in search of moron college students dumb enough to work crap jobs for barely more than minimum wage. In exchange for a lifetime of debt, the students get to attend classes at Disney University and, well, live at Disney World.

Part of the program includes an introduction to the inner workings of all of the parks, so during cast member orientation, they took us to the Magic Kingdom for a tour of the tunnels. If you didn't know, the castle and other parts of Disney World that you see when you visit are technically the second story of a very large building. Below "street" level is a series of concrete hallways knows as the tunnels.

The tunnels aren't very exciting. Literally, they're just concrete hallways with walls painted different colors so that you know which part of the park your currently under. The idea is that someone who works in Frontierland shouldn't be seen in full costume walking around in Tomorrowland, so there are exits from the tunnels all over the place, and you just follow the color-coding to figure out when it's safe to go up.

At the center of the tunnels is Character Alley. It's the place where all the people who "fortunate" enough to get paid to stomp around dressed as a Disney character get to hang out. They work incredibly crappy hours (just because you only see them in the Magic Kingdom for 15-30 minutes at a time doesn't mean they are doing something fun the rest of the 12+ hours they sometimes work). They are not allowed to wear the costumes home, or even to remove them from the premises. So, they hang out down there where the costumes are stored.

I have two very distinct memories of run-ins at Character Alley. The first was that day of cast member orientation and involves a fellow College Program person. He was a guy from Alabama, and I don't really know what he expected, but he quite literally freaked the hell out when he saw Winnie the Pooh walking around without a head. Like, FREAKED OUT. He was scarred from the experience, and talked about it pretty much every day from that day forward.

The second memory came as we were leaving. Character Alley is a short jaunt from the main entrance to the tunnels, so many of the characters will wander over that way for a little fresh air. As my little group walked out of the concrete maze, Cinderella sat on a bench just outside the door. She was done up in full character garb--perfect dress, perfect hair, and perfect makeup. Also perfect? The amazing litany of four-letter words that were falling from her mouth as she sucked on a cigarette. For the cynic that is me, it was HYSTERICAL. The pretty little princess was far from what she appeared to be, and she even taught me some new curse words. So. Awesome.

I ran into that same Cinderella some time later while visiting my roommate's boyfriend at his apartment. He was a Green Army Man (Toy Story) and one of the dancing hippos in the Fantasia parade, so he obviously knew all the characters. Cinderella REALLY did look exactly like her character, so it wasn't hard to spot her. It also wasn't hard to smell her. Can we say, "chain smoker?" Oh. my. hell. The woman must have smoked three packs a day, and her bright blond hair was more pungent than a Yankee Candle.

So, I think I have a very valid excuse for nearly falling over into a fit of giggles when Alexis recently changed Cinderella's name. I'm pretty sure she used to pronounce it correctly, but recently she's added a few letters. I can guarantee it is Mr. Husband's fault since he likes to alter words for his own personal amusement, and I know I've heard him say it.

Cindersmella.

Most appropriate name for a Disney character ever.