I have long suspected that Alexis has nightmares. I figure that has to be a contributing factor as to why she is so determined to drive me insane at all hours of the night. While she may very well be conducting a top secret governmental experiment to see if you can create a dangerous weapon out of a woman just by depriving her of sleep (answer = yes), I think she truly does start out each night fully intending to do the right thing and stay in her own bed. Someday maybe her good intentions will win out and I'll actually get six hours of uninterrupted sleep. OK, maybe not, but I still hold on to a speck of hope.

I've talked to the short person many times about her bad dreams. I've heard about monsters under her bed, monsters in her bed, monsters hanging from the ceiling, and monsters in the closet. I still remember the days when I was scared of the dark (shut up), so I try to cut the kid some slack. The dark is a scary place. (Again, SHUT UP.)

Last night the kid managed to make it all the way to 5:30am in her own bed. It would have been fantastic, if not for the fact that lately she's been waking up around midnight, so I had sat up waiting for that which never happened. I do believe I heard her yell "PSYCH!" in her sleep at some point. Anyway, she came hobbling into our room at 5:00, visibly upset.

"Did you have a bad dream?" I asked her.

Her bottom lip quivered as she wiped away a tear, "Yes," she whispered.

I gave her a big ol' momma hug and hauled her up into the bed to cuddle for a few minutes. My alarm was close to going off, so I figured I would try to snuggle her back to sleep before it did. I'm trying to let her sleep as much as she can now, because once she is a teen I fully intend to exact revenge for all the sleep deprivation she's putting me through at the moment.

"Do you want to tell me about your bad dream?" I asked.

"I dreamed about Dora and Swiper and Swiper is really mean and he was swiping my toys and Dora was yelling at him."

No wonder the kid can't sleep through the night. If the Latina Whore and her "friend" were invading my dreams, I'd be huddled in the corner rocking back and forth.