The mission is to freeze her face off. Every day, no matter the weather, the kid rolls down her window in the car. E-V-E-R-Y day. Today it was 40 degrees and rainy, which can only mean that somehow she managed to convince Mother Nature to go in cahoots with her. It's a conspiracy.
I asked her to close her window. I was met with what I assume was an eyeroll and some sass. I'm not sure because I was too busy shivering as the 40 degree wind and freezing rain blew all through my car. It was then that I remembered I had let Alexis eat dry cereal in the car earlier in the day. I distinctly recalled that she had picked through it, hunting for and consuming marshmallows while tossing the actual cereal over her shoulder. For some reason, I don't have "Scrape Frankenberry goop out of the car" on my Bucket List, so it was definitely time to close the window before water met cereal.
I reached down and closed the window using my Master of the Universe buttons.
She rolled it back down.
I rolled it back up.
She rolled it back down.
I rolled it back up and locked that sucker so she couldn't keep on keeping on.
The short person in the back seat got angry. She kicked my seat, sassed off, and then promptly shut her face when I threatened her with a trip to time out.
I'm full of win.
The CD changer flipped over to Jonas Brothers and everything went back to quiet. (Side note: SHOOOSH! with the Jonas Brothers grief. Once I had heard the High School Musical 2 soundtrack for the eleventy seventeenth bazillionth time, I switched our listening time over to regular radio. That lasted about fifteen minutes until words the kid isn't allowed to say came wafting over the airwaves, so I tried tossing in a little Black Eyed Peas. That lasted about three minutes until I had to shout, "THANKS FOR THE PARENTAL WARNING, ITUNES" because apparently their list of Not-Cool-Coming-from-a-Three-Year-Old words is different than mine. Jonas Brothers it is. I can't handle my kid hearing and saying words that would make my grandma cringe.) As we cruised on down the road, the song "Paranoid" came on.
Alexis loves to sing along with music. A lot. The only problem is that she doesn't know all of the words to that particular song. In fact, she knows exactly one word. Paranoid. She managed to scream that one word approximately all. the. way. through. the song.
PARANOID!
PARANOID!
PARANOID!
Never before has a child managed to spread so much fear and paranoia in such a short amount of time. Between the expectation of revenge for the Window Thing and her shouting PARANOID!, I figured I was screwed. For reals.
My fears were realized when I suddenly noticed that silence had fallen over the person in the backseat. I glanced in the mirror and saw the ultimate threat a kid can make: she was sound asleep.
I'm pretty sure she took a nap just so she can exact revenge in the middle of the night.
I'll be sleeping with one eye open tonight.
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Psst . . . If you have a minute, I would love you forever if you ran over to The Bump and tossed a vote or two or ten in for me. There's a real prize in this one and it turns out I snap to attention when somebody says "Pottery Barn Gift Card." Thanks! And HUGE thanks to Firemom for the nomination!