I like Christmas decorations. This we know. However, even I, the distant step-cousin-in-law of Clark Griswold, realize that there are rules involved with Christmas decorations. For example:

1. Multi-colored icicle lights are stooooopid. Yes, yes they are. Ice is not rainbow-colored. It's clear. Maybe white. Since I'm a generous soul, I'm willing to give you blue. I'm never willing to give you orange and green and red and purple as acceptable shades of ice.

2. Santa should not be immortalized in molded plastic. Ever. If he is, ten year-old me can't be trusted to help get him down off the roof. Ten year-old me might be forced to roll him off the edge. Ten year-old me might be forced to grin from ear-to-ear as he shatters to a million pieces. You might want to ask my dad about that one. Heh.

3. If you're going to outline something, you have to do it with straight lines. Crooked lines make babies cry.

4. Random lawn crap can be OK, just so long as it is carefully arranged into some sort of scene. You can't just toss Frosty the Snowman next to the manger and expect Baby Jesus to be OK with it.

5. Inflatables. Inflatables. Inflatables. Look, I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but inflatables are bad. Evil, even. Step away from the inflatables PERIOD. If you absolutely must have a giant blow-up Santa in your yard then you must follow a few rules:

Rule #1: Never leave your inflatables lying limp and wrinkly on the ground. Nobody likes limp and wrinkly things, and a limp and wrinkly Santa is a crime against humanity.

Rule #2: Stay away from the inflatable "snow globes." The Styrofoam chunks in those things always collect static and end up clumped on one side, making it look like some sort of snowman bloodbath inside that globe.

Rule #3: The only thing worse than one inflatable is multiple inflatables. Just say no.

6. If you're going to break the rules, break them all. At once.

(Photos via Albany Tim. Can you believe Mr. Husband refuses to drive two hours so I can see all that awesomeness in person?)