Dear Target,

I'm about to ask you a favor, and I just want to make it clear that it PAINS me to ask it. PAINS ME. And kind of makes me want to puke. Sadly, though, I have been left with no choice.

You see, my dear daughter has decided that it's really fun for me and her to wear matching pajamas. There was a time when I very nearly fall to the ground laughing hysterically when I saw mothers and daughters wearing matching clothes, but I'm coming to realize that sometimes it's the kid's fault. I assure you, in this case it is definitely the kid's fault. Alexis gets ridiculously excited when she digs through her pajama drawer for a particular pair, then digs through my drawer for a matching pair. The smile on her face as she hands me my pajamas and says, "We match the same!" is enough for me to forget just how dumb grown woman look when they wear clothing that kids can wear.

In return for me voluntarily dressing in matching pajamas, I get a little gift from Alexis. She has dropped the whole thing where she would only wear wretched Disney Princess gowns. This. is. spectacular. Truly, it brings a joyful little tear to my eye to think of all those obnoxious Disney sluts sitting unloved in the back of the drawer. Definitely worth it.

So, here's the thing: Alexis needs to wear gowns at night. She can't do two-piece pajamas because just as the bottoms start to fit, the tops make her look like she's channeling Britney Spears in the bare belly days. I need to wear two-piece pajamas because me and gowns are not on speaking terms ever since that little incident with the bedpost. Alexis is OK with us wearing different types of pajamas, the fabrics just need to be matchy matchy.

Now, Target, you have made this little complication possible to overcome. The Nick & Nora pajamas are fantabulous, and I have managed to obtain three whole sets of Matchy Matchy Happy Happy Kid Pajamas. But, now that Alexis wants to match every. single. night we are experiencing a bit of an issue. We need more pajamas.

Sadly, you have exactly one set that will fit the bill right now. One is better than none, but that one? IS A UNICORN AND RAINBOW PRINT. *gag*

I can't do unicorns.

I can't do rainbows.

I DEFINITELY can't do them both at the same time.

So, will ya' please get some new Matchy Matchy Happy Happy Kid Pajamas in stock? I would be fine with sock monkeys, ducks, or even clouds. Anything but unicorns and rainbows. Just follow the above rules about gown vs. two-piece, and you can have my money.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

With much retail love,
The Lady Who Simply Can't be Caught Wearing Stuff She Liked When She Was Five