I am a hunter, a finely tuned machine programmed to seek out good deals and destroy our checking account with piles and piles of amazing things. It's what I do. In fact, it's what I do best.

I don't pay full price for much of anything. Alexis spends her day frolicking about in Gap dresses, and I know for a fact people think I spend a fortune on her wardrobe. Nope. Not at all. I buy nothing from Gap without a coupon, and even then, I only shop from the clearance racks, and usually only at the Outlet. Her entire collection of summer dresses for 2009 was purchased last year at the end of the season. Her 15 or so dresses cost, on average, less than $10 each. Several were $6. I am a machine.

It was about a year ago that I first started reprogramming my bargain-hunter brain cells in hopes of finding a bargain on a house. I looked. And looked. And looked. A few times there were some false alarms. What I thought was a bargain was sold before we could go look at it, or further investigation revealed far too many problems for the price.

And then I found it. The (New) House. When I first found the listing, I was suspicious. It was priced $20K lower than other houses in the same neighborhood. Some of the information in the listing was clearly wrong. No way did the house have four bedrooms and five bathrooms for that price.

Just for kicks, I called our Realtor and set up a walk-through. I assumed we would find that the house was priced low because of things that weren't in photos. When we first walked in the door, that turned out to be true. Between damage to walls, missing faucets, messed up floors, and mold in the basement? There was definitely more than a few things to complain about, but they weren't *that* bad. There was plenty of evidence of plumbing issues, and based on the fact that the house is only three years old, we were pretty sure that shoddy construction was to blame. But still. The house was priced more than fairly, all things considered.

Did I mention that it was 1000 square feet bigger than the other houses in the same development that were for sale? 1000 SQUARE FEET BIGGER. Plus, it had a finished basement, complete with a second kitchen. Mold, shmold. That house is nearly FOUR TIMES bigger than the one we are living in. And the "errors?" Oh, the listing was wrong. Someone may count four bedrooms, but I count five. They may see five bathrooms, but they missed the half bath on the main level. The place is freakin' HUGE.

If you've been following along, you already know we are under contract and buying the house. We don't move until mid-July, so until then I get to sit and be overwhelmed with how we're going to manage to get enough furniture to keep the place from looking abandoned. It's a good problem to have.

As for the plumbing issues? We shall see. A bunch of leaks sprung up before the inspection process was completed, so the owner of the house (a bank--it's a foreclosure) is currently making all the repairs. Not on our dime. We may very well still end up moving into a house that features a swimming pool where the family room should be, but OH WELL. We can always all get by just living on the other side of the house, and we're paying over $100,000 less than an identical house a few miles away.

You know you've done good when your inspector can stand in the middle of an indoor lake and say, "If you're paying that then you did REALLY good."

Now I just need to figure out how to get the Bulldog to use a regular toilet. With five and a half bathrooms, she may as well get her own.

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If you have a second, I could use a little help over here. Thanks! I luff you! I promise to only ask about 20 more times!