I would have burned it, if it hadn't been so rancid that it refused to fuel a flame. The dress. The dress she wore all. freakin. summer. I was SO glad to see that sucker retire when the first fluffy white flakes fell to the ground last year.

She asked for it when gentler weather returned. "Where's my pink polka dot dress, momma?" she said in a sugary sweet voice.

"You're too big for it," I replied. I didn't actually know that for a fact. It didn't matter if she could still squeeze into it because I had banished it from her closet. BANISHED FOREVER.

Some time passed. In fact, a lot of time passed. The pink polka-dotted dress came to be filed under Things We Had Forgotten About.

Until we went to the Gap Outlet earlier tonight.

GAHFREAKINAIPPLEFLUOK

There it was. The used-to-be-OK-but-now-is-fug-cause-I've-seen-it-too-much dress hung on a rack near the back of the store. It was surrounded by dozens and dozens of matching atrocities. Undoubtedly it was available in every. single. size.

I tried to steer Alexis back out of the store. "I wanna see if they have a dress I like," she said as she barreled past me.

It was like time stood still between the moment when Alexis first caught site of the dress and the moment her mouth let out an excited squeal. "LOOK, MOMMA!" she blasted.

"I saw it," I replied. "We can't buy anything today, my dear," I told her. Cause, you know, a 3-year old is quick to buy that excuse.

"I love this dress, Momma," she gushed. "It's booty-full."

"I'm sorry, but we aren't buying it, Alexis," I said while quickly placing my arms over my face. I wanted to protect my eyes in case she started throwing things at me.

"Can we buy it later?" she asked. "Please?"

"Yeah, later. We can do later," I told her.

I'm going to have to find a new place to shop for kid clothes. Gap Outlet and I have to break up until that dress is gone.

Oye.