When a three-year old says "I'm not tired," she really means, "I can barely hold my eyes open, and it's your fault. You must pay for your crimes. WAAAAAAH!"

When a three-year old says, "I want to wear my Minnie shoes," she really means, "I was wandering around the house in the middle of the night and decided we should play a fun new game. I hid my Minnie shoes under my pillow. I know you'll never find them there, and I'll LOVE watching you search everywhere. I bet smoke comes out of your ears when you try to decide whether to try to convince me to wear other shoes or to keep looking!"

When a three-year old says, "I need to tell you sumpin," she really means, "I hope you weren't trying to go anywhere important because I'm in the mood to just sorta stand here and stall for twenty minutes by repeating that phrase over and over and over. I'm never actually going to tell you anything, Sucka. HAHA!"

When a three-year old says, "C'mere, Cody," she really means, "I feel like torturing a small animal. You, the small black and white puppy, you look like you're fun to torture. Come hither so I may beat you."

When a three-year old says, "Where are my markers?" she really means, "I can't believe you haven't hung any art on this wall. I'll fix that right quick."

When a three-year old says, "I don't like that dress," she really means, "Let's play a guessing game! If you buy it, will I ever wear it? If you don't buy it, will I spend the rest of my life complaining about how that was the greatest dress ever made? Go ahead, make your choice. No matter what, you're going to lose!"

When a three-year old says, "I can't find my Zoe backpack," she means, "Find. it. now. I'm going to lose my shizznet in 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . TOO LATE."

When a three-year old says, "I'm not hungry," she really means, "Good grief, I'm so hungry I could eat that mutt over there. You know what I won't eat, though? That crap you just put in front of me. I wonder if I whine enough if you'll morph into a short order cook and fix me up some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?"

When a three-year old says, "I have a booboo. I'm going to die," she really means, "It's been at least four seconds since I had your undivided attention. This makes me sad. So, I'm going to be as overly dramatic as humanly possible because I AM THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE!!!!!"

When a three-year old says, "I love you," she means, "I love you." No translation required for that one.