Women judge each other. I don't know why, but we do. We see someone, and we judge. For better or worse, good or bad, ugly or kind, we pass judgment.

"She is carrying his cajones around on a short leash."

"Those are some seriously cute shoes. She's got good taste."

"That lady apparently has money to burn."

"She couldn't control her kids if they were in a cage."

"She has got it together way more than I ever could."

I'm as guilty as anybody of doing it. I see somebody, I think stuff. Like, for example, the moms at dance class. I have a big ol' opinion of everybody based on like 1% of their life. That one little hour they spend in the waiting room at the dance place each week is all I have, but in my head I think I have it all figured out.

There used to be a mom (we started a new session a while ago and I haven't seen her since) who made me nuts. NUTS. She was loud. Very loud. She spent the entire hour loudly bitching about her kids, one of whom was in the class and the other of whom was right there with her, except that the little one wasn't actually with her so much as it was running around like a crazed lunatic, usually chewing on used tissues it found in the trash and standing on top of a chair while launching toys at the windows. Really. It made me absolutely crazy that the lady didn't even try to control her kid, and even crazier that she would go on and on and on about horribly annoying her kids were.

I judged her. And, I had a whole story in my head to explain her behavior.

I figured that she was probably a stay-at-home mom who didn't get many chances to get time for herself. She was trying to make the most of that hour when one of her kids was fully entertained and the other was basically locked in a safe(ish) room. She needed to vent to somebody who would listen, and there are no better listeners than a room full of women who have no choice but to be a captive audience.

In short, as much as she drove me nuts, I felt kinda bad for her.

Now, I know I'm not the only one in that dance place who is sitting there making assumptions and passing judgment. I know it because I saw the lady who drove me nuts do it one day. I mean, I physically watched her size another mom up and come to all sorts of conclusions in her head.

Nutso Lady was sitting there, loudly going on and on like she pretty much always did. If you just listened to her words, you would think she was the most confident woman going. She was going on and on about how This Place was the best place to have a kid's birthday party, even though her kid was horribly behaved when they were there and blah, blah, blah. She was at her loudest and giving off her best I-Know-It-All vibes just as another mom came walking in the door.

The Other Mom was one who hadn't been there before. Her daughter was pretty new to the class, and in previous weeks a grandparent had been the one to escort her to class. The Other Mom came walking in, towards what I would guess was her father-in-law, while continuing with a cellphone conversation that seemed it might have been going on for a while. Nutso Lady paused in her conversation as The Other Mom walked by, just long enough to listen in on the phone call and figure out the scoop.

The Other Mom was a doctor. She was talking to her answering service. As she walked up to her father-in-law, she hung up the phone and vented about how parents always waited until the end of the day to call about their kids' illnesses.

You could feel the air getting sucked out of the room as the Nutso Lady observed The Other Mom. Suddenly, she who had been so confident and so loud very obviously felt uncomfortable. I'm no mind reader, but I could see the difference in Nutso Lady's face. She had judged The Other Mom, found her to be incredibly intelligent and well put-together, and decided she herself wasn't good enough.

She didn't say another word the rest of the class. In the weeks that followed, she was loud and boisterous any time The Other Mom wasn't there, but would be quiet when she was.

Alexis, my dear, woman judge. It's just a fact of life. You need to try to be fair in your judgments and know that you don't have the whole story. Most importantly, I want you to know one thing--it's not fair to ever judge yourself, especially if you're going to judge yourself inferior.