She can gracefully traverse a 6-inch wide balance beam. She can carefully hold ballet poses longer than many adults. She can balance precariously on her tip-toes while on top of the back of the couch. She cannot, however, stand still on a perfectly level and clean floor without wiping out in spectacular fashion.

Alexis is a klutz.

Thuds, smashes, booms, crashes, and smacks are just a part of life with the kid. In fact, she falls down so frequently that I long ago stopped bothering to ask if she was OK after she randomly kisses the floor. You can tell it's just par for the course because 99.9% of the time, she bounces back up and yells, "I OK!" You gotta love a kid that is so used to hearing words that she doesn't realize when you don't say them. In fact, sometimes she'll say, "I OK! Danks for askin!"

When I went all wild and crazy and bought the kid a 25 cent beach ball at Target (WOAH! Look at me being a big spender!), I knew the purchase would lead to moments severely lacking in grace. I correctly predicted that she would miss a few catches and wind up with the ball smacking her in the face. I knew she would fall flat on her butt chasing the ball around the house. And I knew the second I saw her decide it was a good idea to sit on the ball that she would wind up practicing for a future career as a stunt double.

Of course I was right.

Her genius brain decided to not only sit on the ball, but to try bouncing on it. Mr. Husband cautioned her to stop. I cautioned her to stop. We cautioned her to stop simultaneously. We've been through the routine before, so we knew she was going to wind up flying off of that ball, across the room, and flinging herself into a wall. It's just what she does.

Since she doesn't believe anyone when they tell her she's going to get hurt, Alexis chose to keep on with the bouncing on top of the beach ball. And then, as predicted, she managed to contort just right and launch herself across the room like a cannonball. Mr. Husband and I held our breath as she landed with a resounding *thud* on the bedroom floor.

Alexis looked dazed for a moment, then sprung up and said, "That was part of the plan," as she went back to using the beach ball as a trampoline.

The problem with that genius line is that it proves what I've feared all along: she is planning to send us to our graves early through carefully crafted, stress-inducing feats of hazardous chaos.