I hate cleaning the fish tank. Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.

I used to not mind it. I might have even enjoyed it. Sucking out the mucky water is oddly satisfying. Scraping algae off the glass is awarding. Arranging the rocks is sort of like a puzzle. A puzzle in which failure to get the pieces to fit just right will result in a dead fish or two, but still. Kind of fun.

But then I ripped the arms of the big shrimp a few months, and all the fun got sucked out of the project.

It was an accident. Seriously. I moved a rock over a tiny bit because it had started to fall and just like that, there was an avalanche. I knew the shrimp had been in the corner, behind the rock pile, so I tried to move things around and away from it. But, it moved. I ended up dropping a big rock right on top of it. As I tried to un-smoosh it, it suddenly backed up but kinda forgot to take its big pincher arms with it because they were still stuck under the rock.

Whoops.

The arms grew back. Eventually. In the meantime, I swear that shrimp would spend its every waking moment trying to kill me. It would chase me from side to side, waving its stumpy arms at me and making mean faces.

Along the way, it apparently had a conversation with the Maroon Clownfish, Belly. Belly is now out to get me as well. Tonight as I stood carefully peeling hair algae off of some rocks, paying super careful attention to the eight million starfish that suddenly appeared in the tank (and are now also trying to kill me), Belly kept attacking. ATTACKING. She lunged at my gloved hand over and over, trying to rip the yellow protective layer off my hand so she could nibble at my skin.

I am not fish food. I don't take well to nibbling.

Just as I jerked my hand back and swatted at Belly for the eight millionth time, the shrimp suddenly appeared behind my hand. I WAS SURROUNDED.

I pulled my hand out of the water, the only place the killer creatures can't go, and glared at them. Slowly, one at a time, I gave them each the stink eye.

Belly responded by jumping out of the water.

I quit. Somebody else is going to have to clean the fish tank.