When we first walked down the party decorations aisle, Alexis uttered the most frightening words I've ever heard:

"I want a Dora party!"

*shudder*

Fortunately, she spotted the High School Musical stuff a little while later and changed her mind. Before she could, though, I had an idea. A brilliant idea.

A Dora piñata.

I'm not a big fan of highly structured birthday parties for little kids. I tend to think if somebody is paying for pony rides and clowns and petting zoos and performances by the Jonas Brothers for their 4-year old's birthday party, they aren't doing it for the kid. Regardless, I figured it wouldn't hurt the hoodlums coming to Alexis' party to stop setting off bombs in the playroom long enough to smash Dora's face.

Oh. Em. Gee.

I wish I had videotaped it, if only so I could relive some of the most fantastic lines ever uttered by preschoolers.

"Hit Dora in the face!"

"Smash Dora harder!"

"Hit Dora between her eyes!"

I have to admit, the Latina Whore is one tough hussy. She was battered, she was bruised, she was dented, but she would not break. Of course, she was the lame type of piñata that has the strings you're supposed to pull to open her, but I wanted her decapitated. Judging by the gleeful faces of the other parents in the room, I was not alone.

We kinda sorta let the kids keep whacking the Whore for a REAL long time. Every single parent in the room was grinning from ear-to-ear. There might have been a few celebratory fist pumps each time the Latina Whore took a good hit to the face. She never quite died, though.

I had to ask Mr. Husband to pull the ribbon. I nearly passed out laughing when I glanced over to find him trying to get the candy unstuck from the Latina's nether regions, but sadly, other than a giant hole between her legs, she was pretty much alive and well.

Until my new hero got hold of her.

You know your party is a success when one of the guests brings you Dora's head on a stick.

She didn't stop there, though. My new hero bashed and smashed and hit and whacked that Dora until she was REALLY dead.

Have you ever seen anything quite as beautiful as a decapitated Dora? I haven't.

Except maybe the look of pure bliss all around when Dora got ripped from limb-to-limb.

:-D

My only regret is that Alexis missed the carnage. She was too busy hiding because her guests had the nerve to look at her when she was about to take a whack at the Latina Whore.