A really long time ago I mentioned that my dear sweet husband, despite being really good at many things, really sucks at making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. It's true, and I still stand by those words. He and I ended up in quite the debate over the topic, so I decided to do the only logical thing and ask the internet: Where does the jelly go? Should it be spread directly on top of the peanut butter or does it get a slice of bread all to itself?
I learned a very valuable lesson from that little poll. There are WAY too many people making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches wrong. While the jelly should be placed directly on the peanut butter so as to avoid any absorption by bread, it seems that 61% of poll participants do not understand the important things in life. They're all doing it wrong.
OK, so, I'm doing it wrong, too.
See, it turns out that there was a previously unknown-to-me method to the madness. It's GENIUS. The peanut butter goes on both slices of bread, and a lovely goop of jelly goes in the middle. I have since made a sandwich in exactly that manner and I declared it a work of art. Perfect. Spectacular. Truly the right way to do things.
Anyway, the reason I never posted the correct answer to the question was because I was curious to know: What would Alexis do? She has witnessed incorrect sandwich making methods her entire short life and only recently set out on her own. I wanted to know what path she would select. It took a while, but I finally managed to capture Alexis' response to the debate.
Without any prompting from me, here are the steps to creating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, according to Alexis:
1. Slap two pieces of bread down. (The plate is apparently optional as I had to make that minor suggestion.)
2. Peanut butter. Lots and lots and lots of peanut butter.
3. Clean the knife. Make sure to do it in a manner that will cause your mother to cringe.
4. Show your mother why she keeps finding crystallized peanut butter in the jelly jar. (Sorry I blamed you, Mr. Husband.)
And now for the moment of truth . . .
THAT'S MY GIRL!
5. Slap some jelly right on top of the peanut butter. YEAH, BABY!
6. Crush your mother's spirit.
HOW COULD SHE? I have to think that little shout-out to Dad was because she needs to keep him on her good side if she wants him to continue being her fruit snack dealer.
7. Slap the bread slices together as your mother goes off to cry The Ugly Cry because she has failed to teach you how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich the RIGHT way.
Alexis, the peanut butter goes on both slices of bread. Next time, get it right. Otherwise, I'll have to continue making my own sandwiches.