The Constant Gardener

Guess what is really fun . . . those of you that live in the Burgh probably did it today. I know we did. It's really, really fun to sit in the "Parkway East is closed the Arts Festival is downtown there's construction everywhere and the US Open is in town" traffic (I like to call it YFNMWYG for short. Have fun figuring out what that stands for). Wow is it ever fantastic. The dude (because you know it was a man) that decided to close the parkway this weekend, while a few hundred thousand people are in town to watch Tiger Woods play golf, totally deserves a raise.

You would think this scene would end very badly:

After all, there has to be an adult somewhere nearby.

But, alas, it doesn't end badly because Alexis is convinced that you use the hose to splash yourself and then water the flowers. She has yet to discover the joy of chasing someone with it. I'm not complaining, she actually does a pretty good job on the garden.

Oh, and Brian, that was much better. Your choice of news stories is a bit suspect, but at least the Bikao guy got 14 years. It's just too bad they didn't find the other five or six suspects.

Get Out of Jail Free

There's lots of ways to get sent home from daycare. You can have a fever, you can beat another kid up, or you can cuss a lot. But the fastest way to get out of jail for free, with absolutely no chance that you'll end up like Paris, is to blow chunks. It seems that if you do a thorough enough job of vomiting, not only will your teacher call your parents, she will also insist that you vacate the premises immediately. There's no discussion of "was she eating her hands and just gag herself" or "does she have a fever," you just have to leave. Immediately. Apparently $200 a week does not buy you a vomit-cleaner-upper.

So vomit she did, not long after lunch, and Daddy picked the Kinnley Bear up. They proceeded to have loads of fun while we tried to determine the cause of puke. The current theories are: 1)She ate something she shouldn't have and 2)She ate something she shouldn't have.

Number one is suspected to be fish. You see, Miss Alexis allegedly ate really well at lunch and didn't seem sick at all. The only problem is that the lunch that Daddy packed for her came home with her. So that means she ate school lunch. School lunch was some sort of deep-fried fish disaster accompanied by heaps of fat. If it wasn't the dead animal that got her, it was probably the loads of fat and calories. Our dear Alexis usually, and generally prefers, healthy food. Give her a choice between lima beans and french fries, and I guarantee she will eat the lima beans. Anyway, Daddy is through the roof at the prospect of Alexis eating meat, so his conversation with the daycare owner on Monday morning should be interesting (and I quote, ahem, "Is it really so *bleeping* *bleep* *bleepity* *bleep* to figure out that she doesn't eat anything that used to *bleepity* *bleep* breathe").

Number two is suspected to be, how shall I say, well, Number Two. Um, yeah. When Alexis sticks her hand down her pants, let's just say she's not exactly digging for treasure. And let's not ever relive that moment ever again. Well, maybe once more. I think I will mention it the first time she brings a boy home. I have beautiful before pictures to accompany the story. There are no after pictures because that is just plain wrong.

Where's D-D-D-Dora?

And now for another Dora sighting by the one and only Alexis . . .

Dora is illuminating the way at Lowe's: