"Momma, I'm too scared to go to kindergarten. I want to stay home with you," Alexis said. They were the first words that fell out of her mouth that morning. The words were uttered before she even managed to open her eyes. Just in case I hadn't heard her desperate plea for a change in plans, she kept repeating the words. "Momma, I'm too scared to go to kindergarten."
The least the kid could have done was to sew up the giant hole in my chest that was left behind when she ripped my heart out. Instead of doing anything to make me feel better, she spent the next hour telling me about how she didn't want any new friends, how she missed her friends from preschool and summer camp, and how it would be really fun if we just went shopping instead of to school and to work.
Aren't kids supposed to be EXCITED for their first day? That was how I had it planned out, anyway.
The whole idea of kindergarten has been jinxed from the start, so I should have known better than to think any of my plans would ever go right. Once I knew where Alexis was going to go, I should have just stopped planning. Forget buying school clothes. Ignore any supply lists. Don't even tell the kid what to expect. THAT would have worked so much better.
Instead, I spent the morning helping her get dressed, making sure her ginormous backpack was ready, and talking up everything about school. She showed a glimmer of excitement when I mentioned the school bus, so I focused on that for a few minutes. When at last we went out the front door to take a few First Day of Kindergarten photos, she had come around. She was ready for a fun ride on the bus and was going to use that as her springboard for tackling the day.
She really was excited as she stood on our porch waiting for a glimpse of that bright yellow bus. But excitement quickly turned to curiosity as she began to question why we were still waiting. "How much longer, momma?" she asked.
I went from saying, "Just a few minutes," to "Well, it was supposed to be here by now," and then to, "I'm not sure what's wrong, Alexis" over the course of ten minutes. I disguised my frustration as I searched frantically for the phone number of the bus service before I finally decided I should just take the kid to school and deal with the bus chaos once Alexis was contently seated in her classroom.
Alexis was completely thrown off by the change in plans, but after a long ride through pouring rain, she seemed more or less ready.
Until we got to the door of the room where she had to go while she waited for school to start.
That was when full-on shy girl panic struck. Alexis clung to me, started to cry, and began begging to go back home. Which, NOT FAIR, KID. Through the chaos and confusion, I had managed to ignore all of those annoying Mom Emotions.
But then there they were, pleading with the kid to please stop ripping my heart out.
I finally managed to drag Alexis into the room. I grabbed some crayons and a piece of paper, hoping to lure her into some comfortable busy work. It didn't work, of course. But then a few minutes later, a little angel came along. She was an older girl, probably in second or third grade. "Is it your first day?" she asked Alexis.
And just like that, Alexis was done with me. She told me to go to work as she turned to talk to her new friend.
It has been smooth sailing since.
(Yes, her backpack is indeed bigger than her. It's the one she *really* wanted, though.)