I have a proposition I would like to make to all parents. It's absolutely a win-win situation. If we all agree to this one little thing, we may all be able to enjoy an improved quality of life. Here's what I'd like to do: I'd like for us all to agree that it's fine that our kids do whatever it is that they want to do, but when that thing they want to do negatively impacts someone else, we'll at least try to stop it.
For example, let's say a kid is screaming bloody murder in a public yet confined place. Let's all agree that we'll look at that kid and say, "Shhhhh!" We all know it may not actually do any good. In fact, it may cause the kid to scream louder, but let's at least try. You never know what may happen if we try to tame the wild beasts.
Or, how about if a kid starts throwing things, we all agree to maybe threaten to take that thing away? Maybe? Like, let's say a kid is throwing a portable DVD player around an airplane. Perhaps once the kid launches that sucker like a missile, we can all agree that we'll turn to that kid and be all, "Do that again and I'm putting your DVD player away." Just the threat. I mean, it would probably be even better if we made good on the threat, but whatever. At least telling the kid that it's not OK might be a start.
One more hypothetical example...let's say that a kid is using an airplane seat for kick boxing practice and throws in a few rounds of punches. That would probably be a good time to threaten to take away the pile of candy, to threaten to throw away the giant pile of toys, and to toss in a nice threat of prison for the rest of the kid's life, right? That is a reasonable punishment after all. If your kid kicks my seat more than 500 times in two hours, jail time seems to be the best solution in my head.
I know traveling with kids is more frightening that walking into a room full of rabid half-starved rats while wearing Lady Gaga's meat dress, but perhaps if we all agree to this standard, we can go far in making sure that an entire plane filled with people won't fantasize about punching you in the face. Not that anyone was doing that. We most certainly weren't because we were too busy glaring at you for not trying to change that diaper. "Whoopsie! You made a stinky!" sure was a great way to help keep your kid from getting self-conscious!
Until we all agree to this simple proposition, I demand that all airline flights with children end like this:
Because, really, the beach can make any bad memories just sort of float away.