Lately I feel as if we are standing on a bridge. It's a rickety bridge, poorly made and liable to go crashing down at any moment. Sometimes we move forward on the bridge, sometimes backwards, and sometimes we just hold on for dear life as it sways back and forth in a storm of change. Alexis is working her way across that bridge, dragging us along for the ride. She is finding her way across the bridge between Preschooler and Kid.
Some days she's firmly in the land of preschooler innocence. She trusts everyone and is full of joy, hope, optimism, and curiosity. It's then that I worry. She doesn't understand that sometimes older kids will trick her into doing things just to get her in trouble. She doesn't realize that not all people are good. She fails to see the dark side of humanity. As we cross that frightening bridge, I worry about how she will learn about reality. I hope that she will learn it without feeling the brunt of the pain that disappointment and heartache can bring. And, yet, I know there is nothing that I can do to stop it from happening.
As we cross that bridge, I begin to see the consequences of different parenting styles. While in the Land of Preschooler, it was easy to dismiss complaints with a simple, "Some mommies have different rules than I do." It was easy to pick up Alexis and carry her outside of the reach of bad behavior and other kid obnoxiousness. It was easy to just ignore that not everyone is on the same path as us. Now the explanations are harder, the consequences more painful, and sometimes there really is nothing to be done. Bad ideas are planted, annoying habits are found, and innocence is lost. She becomes less and less the person created in the bubble of our home and more a reflection of her entire universe.
Looking towards the future, I know the Land of Kid will bring great changes. Not only will this space become weighted with the privacy rights of a girl whose life is unique, it will have to adapt entirely to accommodate that unique. And, really, the changes that will happen here are the least of my concerns. It's the changes in the "Real World" that keep me up at night.
Yet, as we cross that bridge, good things infiltrate our lives. Greater independence brings newfound time for the adults. Maturity delivers fewer concerns about safety around the house. And improved communication skills offer up daily laughs. I wouldn't trade our daily conversations for all the money in the world.
As we cross that bridge, I am left to hope that the innocent joy that lives in her eyes stays right where it is, even as she becomes more and more the beautiful person she is soon to be.
