It has been several weeks since Mila slept through the night in her own bed. It has been enough weeks that I've become fully trained. I'm fully trained to be awake from 11:30 pm to 12:30 am because somewhere in there, Mila will summon me. She will sternly yell for me to magically appear. When I do magically appear, she'll say, "Up, please" in a quiet little voice and then she'll fall right back to sleep in my arms.
It's just a thing at this point.
It's such a thing that when she somehow didn't summon me between 11:30 and 12:30 the other night, I fell asleep. Normally I lay awake for no good reason other than I know that I'm going to get woken up, but I guess once the mental timer has gone off I'm free to sleep? I don't know. These things don't make sense; they just are.
So I fell asleep, but then at 12:39, I was summoned. I know it was 12:39 because I looked at my clock and thought to myself, "Sorry, time is up" and went right back to sleep.
Mila kept calling for me.
I kept ignoring her. I somehow found the snooze button on the whole situation, I suppose.
Mila must have grown frustrated. She expects me to show up in a reasonable amount of time (Which, for the record, isn't instantly. It quite normally takes me 10 minutes or more to bother to show up.). When a reasonable amount of time had come and gone, Mila dug deep for a solution.
Remember that doll? Yes, THAT doll. Mila has been sleeping with that doll lately. Except, I turn the damn thing off because I can't handle the flashlight eyes opening up and stealing my soul at night.
Mila found that doll, opened up the back of it to turn it on, and woke it up. She straight up used the doll against me.
Have I mentioned that it doesn't just light up? It talks, too. When I finally showed up in Mila's room, she was sitting up, holding the doll, and pushing its belly so it would talk.
"Uh oh. Diapy! Uh oh. Diapy!"
Somehow having a doll yell at me to change it's diaper is about 35923953 times ruder than a toddler telling me to pick her up. I really need to set that doll on fire already.
