The baby has melted away.
I've known it is gone for a long time, but sometimes when I glimpse into the rearview mirror of my car, it's there. The baby. There's a twinkle in Alexis' eye and a way that she lets her life's experiences fall around her that leaves the baby behind. Innocence and purity and just a tiny little girl who is trying to make the most of what life has given her.
It was that baby, the real one, who invented a game many years ago. It was five years ago, in fact. I know this because I have this written history of her life and it tells me details like that.
She started it when she was two. She later changed her enunciation to make it seem a little more grown up, but I still hear "Lellow" when she plays the game.
If Alexis sees a car, truck, or bus that is yellow, she screams YELLOW CAR! at the top of her lungs. The point of the game is to find more YELLOW CARS! than the other passengers in the vehicle. It's not a game for the faint of heart because TOP OF HER LUNGS. I do not exaggerate these things.
The rules of the game have evolved a bit over the years. Where once it was a legitimate competition, now I do believe the rule is that Alexis only plays if she is winning. If I yell out YELLOW CAR! when she is not paying attention, she will huff and cross her arms and declare, "I'm not playing." But if she is winning, GAME ON.
I'll admit the game is fixed these days. The sweet taste of victory isn't quite sweet enough to overcome the bitter words of a sore loser. Once in a while I will give her a bit of a run for her money, but mostly I let her win.
(Alexis, when you read this, you can be mad. It's cool. You'll understand it when you're a mom some day.)
It's a frustrating game when Alexis is with me because seriously she will rip my head off if I dare win. But when she's not with me ... when I'm in my car alone and I see a yellow car, I smile. Always. It's in those moments that baby Alexis is with me and she's eagerly pointing as she yells LELLOW CAR!
