A year ago at this time, I was overwhelmed by the impossibilities. The days were passing and it was becoming more and more obvious that the impossible was indeed possible, but I didn't quite believe it.
The evidence of my disbelief was everywhere.
There was a nursery to be completed, clothes and other essentials that needed to be purchased, and all sorts of things undone. It became a joke amongst people who see me daily. "Did you start getting ready for that baby yet?" they would ask.
"What baby?" was always my reply. Denial is a powerful drug.
That's why the moment stands out as much as it does. It was the moment when I took a leap of faith and made a silly little purchase.
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I have a thing for clearance shopping after holidays. There's no other way to decorate a couple (dozen) (ahem) Christmas trees than to accumulate the ornaments on clearance. I don't just do it for Christmas, though. Pretty much every holiday is wrapped up with a hunt for some very seriously marked down items.
It was April of last year when I walked into Walmart. It's not my favorite place to go, but sometimes it's the right place to go. On that day, I was there to grab groceries, but there was a little aisle of Easter items on clearance. I walked by once and grabbed a few bags of candy for an egg hunt we were attending in a few days. I walked by again a few minutes later and grabbed a stuffed bunny.
The bunny wasn't anything special, but it was 90% off. A mere $1 was all it was going to take to make Alexis so very happy. She's addicted to stuffed animals, even though I very seriously doubt she would notice if I were to box up 50 of the stuffed animals in her bedroom. There are just so many, not even FIFTY of them could make a dent. But, man, does she love them.
I walked to the front of the store to pay for my items, then paused. I had just one bunny in my cart.
But.
But there could be two kids by the time Easter rolled around again.
I grabbed a second bunny.
But then I put both bunnies back.
And then I grabbed them again.
Times ten.
I kept circling the store, arguing with myself about whether or not to spend $2 on some stupid stuffed animals. It was just an extra $1 that I was spending, but it represented a heck of a lot more.
It represented faith.
I eventually bought the two mostly identical bunnies. They sat in a closet together for a year, just waiting for Easter to roll around again.
Mila loves her bunny.