Alexis wasn't born a ridiculously girlie girl. She sort of ... evolved into that role. She has certainly always loved pink and sparkles and all of that stuff, but it was generally intermixed with a reasonable view of gross things. Gross things are gross and we don't pick them up, but we also don't scream just because they're in the same zip code as us. For example, if there's a bee in the yard, we don't scream bloody murder and plead for some strong boy to help us.
We calmly walk away from the bee. That's the rule.
Alexis agreed with the rule until we moved to this house about three years ago. That's when I learned that stupid girlie screams are contagious because Alexis caught that crap from some neighbors.
I have been irritated by it ever since.
Which is exactly why I have been steadily challenging the kid to be a bit more reasonable. We force stink bugs to relocate without screaming. We say, "Hi, ladybug!" as we help ladybugs find their way outside without screaming. Spiders gets kicked to the curb but for the love of all things chocolate, THERE WILL NOT BE SCREAMING.
Can you tell that I'm super not cool with girls screaming when something the size of a fingernail is around?
Until now.
Internet, allow me to introduce you to Taylor.
NOW IS THE TIME TO SCREAM. LOUDLY. NONSTOP.
THAT THING IS LIVING IN MY HOUSE. AND IT HAS A FRIEND. THERE ARE TWO OF THEM. YES, I'M STILL YELLING ABOUT THIS BECAUSE OMG LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK.
There is a mother truckin terrarium in that kid's room and she is ridiculously happy that it is now housing two Bess Beetles.
I CAN'T EVEN.
This is science's fault. Totally. For science class, the short peoples have been learning about all sorts of animals. There were guppies and snails and beetles and I don't know what else because those were the only choices on the "adoption form." When the project was done at school, the teacher sent home a form that allowed the kids to choose to adopt something.
Guppy! Alexis, let's get a guppy! We already have lots of fish tanks it can live in!
Noooooooooo, says the Alexis.
Snail! Alexis, let's get a snail! We could really use one in the big aquarium anyway!
Noooooooooo, says the Alexis.
Conversation done.
Nooooooooooo, says the Alexis as she starts begging for a mother truckin Bess Beetle.
I didn't think she'd actually do it, so whatever. I sent in the form. And the hell if the kid didn't show up back at home with two Bess Beetles. TWO OF THEM. Taylor and Megan.
Their care instructions said to put a couple of little twigs in their terrarium so that they can sharpen their teeth.
YOU CAN SCREAM NOW. I KNOW I AM.