If I were to say the words "Dip Party," what would you think could possibly go wrong? WELL, LET ME JUST TELL YOU.
No, it's not that you will gain ten pounds just by being in the same room as Snickers Dip and Pumpkin Dip and I don't even remember what else because I ate myself into a coma within ten minutes of getting there.
No, it's not that there could be any sort of people drama. I have the bestest friends ever. Obviously. We do things like have parties just so we can eat lots and lots of dip. I have found My People and I adore them and their dip-loving ways.
It's that your kid might just end up setting herself up for the disappointment of a lifetime.
You see, we went to a Dip Part a month ago and that was when Alexis figured out exactly what she wants Santa to deliver this year.
Alexis' note says, "I will have a iPod Touch." (We'll get back to her choice of wording in a moment because really? REALLY? OYE.) She got the idea from a friend who happened to be at the Dip Party. In other words, evil things happen at Dip Parties.
I can tell you with absolute 100% certainty that she will not be living the dream this Christmas. Santa has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder over the debacle that was the American Girl doll last year, so Santa is all *lalalalala I can't hear you* when the kid requests anything. She's getting a bike from Santa and she will like it, dammit.
(This is where I conveniently leave out details about that bike which I managed to score for free by winning a photo contest because I wouldn't want you to judge us about how we aren't spending a penny on Santa stuff this year. See? I didn't mention it. You can't judge.) (If you're thinking about judging, just remember that Santa is pissed he spent a lot of money last year and the kid was all "That's nice" when she opened the gift. Santa is allowed to be a cheap-ass this year.)
So, back to the note.
Alexis wrote this sucker out about a week ago and has been carefully guarding it ever since. She's very confident in her choice. "I will have a iPod Touch." Not, "I would like" or "Please bring me." Nope. I WILL HAVE, YOU OVERWEIGHT OLD MAN.
She added "I love you God" on the side, I suppose just in case her choice of words was too strong and she needed to win a few brownie points from the other side of the Christmas thing. She also wants to know if God likes "a iPod Touch," so there's that. Would it be wrong if I circled "No" and left the note under the tree? Yes? Damn.
Also included in her note is a self-portrait, a little sketch of the cat (Max, to be exact), a drawing of an iPod Touch, and another picture of herself. This time it's a super happy Alexis in the drawing because she is thrilled that she got an iPod Touch.
Except that she's not getting an iPod Touch from Santa. She's getting a bike. THE END.
So if you hear a groan of disappointment from the kid when she opens her Santa gift, just know that you should blame the Dip Party. Not me. THE DIP PARTY.
(Don't feel too bad for her. The gift she's getting from us is pretty freakin' awesome. And cheaper than an iPod Touch.)
(She was practicing doing a Happy Dance in front of the tree. Not. Even. Kidding. Little does she know that she won't be needing it...)