Parenting essentially boils down to a series of highs and lows, which I'm convinced is just kids yanking chains like the little puppet masters they are. That's the explanation for why I had an icky feeling when I should have been celebrating Mila staying in her own bed all night without really harassing me for the first time in several weeks. I knew I was going to pay for that good night.
AND, OH, I DID.
TWICE.
On the second night that Mila woke up in the middle of the night in a hysterical fit, I didn't even bother to try to help her calm down and go back to sleep. I snagged her from her crib and did the laziest thing possible - I took her back to bed with me. That's usually the fastest way for everyone to go back to sleep. Maybe it's not ideal, but SLEEP. That's the part that matters.
Unfortunately, Mila was too angry to sleep. She yelled and she yelled and did you know that when a toddler is wrapped around your head, the yelling is super loud? So loud.
I'm only capable of about 20% of my normal thinking power in the middle of the night, so I'm not sure when the yelling had a few meaningful syllables in it. For a while I had no idea why there was so much yelling, but then suddenly I caught a hint.
Waaaaaaa!
And then another syllable.
Teeeeeeeeeeeeeer!
WATER!
I stumbled through the dark to find a sippy cup and thrust it at the still yelling child. She threw it back at me and then got madder because it wasn't in her hands, so I shoved it at her again and again until she stopped yelling long enough to figure out I was trying to help.
And then she gulped down the entire cup of water.
PROBLEM SOLVED!
Except, it wasn't solved because the cup was empty and you guys, empty cups are the worst. THE WORST. How dare the cup be empty when Mila drank all of the contents! The universe is stupid.
So I needed to refill the cup.
At that point, I was waaaay past the point of deliriously tired. It was dark, I refused to turn on any lights, and I was stupid from being yelled at by a tiny human. I sort of maybe managed to get some water into the cup, but the lid? Oh. The lid.
I know I screwed up the lid thing because when Mila threw the cup at me a few moments later, I ended up wet. But before I could try again to get the lid thing right, Mila snatched the cup, yelled "MINE!" and curled up into a ball.
And then went to sleep.
While holding the leaking cup.
All the while, the water kept drip-drip-dripping on me. It was like some terrible form of torture because SLEEPING CHILD! FINALLY! But water. Wet. I can't sleep when water is slowly dripping on me.
So I decided to poke the bear and pry the cup out of the sleeping kid's hands.
"MINE!" she snapped.
Each and every time I thought she was finally asleep enough for me to be able to slowly pry away the cup, she would snap out a "MINE!" and then resume snoring.
Basically, the kid can't remember to clearly say "water" when the time is right, but she absolutely can make sure she tortures me until I am a puddle of stupid.
