I'm not confessing to anything, but it's possible that we took a mini-vacation this past weekend just so I could have a few hours in the car enjoying absolute and total silence. That does work with 7-year olds, by the way, so if you have a toddler and you're looking for silence, hang in there. It's a few years away, but you will reach a point where you can hand over an electronic device and then sit there enveloped in soothing sounds of mouths frozen in place as little fingers click and swipe and otherwise stay busy.
It's pretty awesome.
So as we headed to Sandusky to visit a water park, I sat in the passenger seat blissfully paying attention to the nothingness that comes from a busy kid. I listened as she giggled while watching a movie and then made out with the quiet. Then I kissed the quiet. And then I hugged it and held it tight.
And then I just sat there and swam in that silence.
Eventually, though, the pure joy gave way to a twitch. I needed to do something. I've spent the past several years trying to squeeze extra work in between work and parenting and is that a five minute opening? EDIT CLIENT PHOTOS! GOOOOO!
I'm not good at doing nothing is what I'm saying.
So I pulled out my phone and started trying to catch up on emails, but that lasted about 15 seconds because I cannot type on an iPhone without ending up with sentences that say things like monkey to the bank in the horse. Autocorrect is not my friend, and there was a lot of potential to make a bigger mess than I have with my 100+ unanswered emails.
So.
So I pulled up twitter and then saw it.
"Candy Crush Saga."
I don't know who mentioned it, but I HATE YOU.
I also hate the other person who mentioned it a few tweets later because that's all it took. I decided it was a sign that it was time to download a completely pointless game on my phone and play it for a few hours.
Several days later, OMG CANDY CRUSH SAGA OWNS ME.
You guys. YOU GUYS. I need an intervention. I started out just playing in the car on the way to Sandusky, but soon I was so desperate for more lives so I could keep playing that I started looking for help. I didn't connect the game to Facebook and ask friends for help because OH HELL NO. Of course not! I am not that annoying person! Instead, I asked Dr. Google for ideas and he was all, "Guuuurl, it's time to go live in the future!"
Hello, my name is Michelle and my iPhone now thinks it's Thursday. THURSDAY. That is how far into the future I have set the time on my phone so that I can keep my Candy Crush Saga fix alive. Wait. WAIT! Now it's Friday. Woooooo! Friday!
And I'm back. Sorry, I had to play one more board. Just one more, though. I can quit anytime. See this? this is me not playing that stupid game. Yup, still not playing. Not now either. Hey! I think I made it through a full 10 seconds without even thinking about swapping pieces of candy around! Ummmmm ... SQUIRREL!
I most certainly did not attempt to distract you so I could go play some more.
Help. Just ... help. Somebody send me some Girl Scout cookies or something so I stop playing long enough to break free from the Candy Crush Saga chains that bind me.
(I'm on level 66. You?)
(She had fun on the mini vacation! See! I have proof that not every second of it was spent playing a stupid game!)