I love flirting with disaster, so I'm going to just go ahead and admit that Alexis has been in a really good place lately. She's been polite and kind and listening well and . . . she's in bed sound asleep right now, but I probably just gave her reason to dream about burning the house down. Better lock up the matches, just in case.
I'll just sleep with one eye open tonight. No big deal.
So, she's been really pretty amazing lately. Except. EXCEPT. I don't know why it all started, but recently she has made trying to scare the crap out of people her job. As in, be careful what doors you open in our house because there's probably a 5-year old waiting behind that door just waiting to jump out and scream "BOO!" in your face.
Don't worry, though, you'll hear her Giggly Warning System go off before you actually open the door. Before that, you'll hear her elephant feet tromp across the room. Before that, you'll hear her laugh maniacally and yell, "DON'T LOOK AT ME!" It's not like you don't have adequate time to figure out that you're being set up.
Obviously, I don't react AT ALL when she jumps out in my face. I usually say, "Hi, Alexis" a half second before she screams like a deranged ghost. Making it obvious that there was no surprise does nothing to suck the wind out of her sails. She still thinks she's the funniest thing since somebody referred to Paris Hilton as a "writer." Whatever. She's happy.
But HOLY SON OF A HORNLESS UNICORN, don't you dare even think about turning her little game on her.
Earlier in the week I had to run to the grocery store for like the 15th time that day because apparently it's really hard to remember to buy spinach the first 14 times you go to a store, even when it's the only thing on your list. Anyway, Alexis was in her playroom when I returned, so I made the little turn from the basement into her playroom to ask her if she wanted to help me make dinner. Her back was turned as she ripped clothes off of dolls (Please tell me that phase is almost over. PLEASE.), so I jokingly yelled, "BOO!"
People, I could not have possibly made more noise as I walked into that room. I had loud shoes clomping on the floor, plastic bags rustling in my hand, I had talked to the husband when I walked through the basement, AND the dogs had barked at me. I was pretty much a walking ball of obnoxious sounds.
She didn't hear me coming.
At all.
When I yelled, "BOO!" she screamed like the hot girl at the beginning of a horror flick. Then she fell to the floor sobbing and bawling and genuinely freaked out because I had scared the pants off of her. It took half an hour to calm her down because she was JUST SO UPSET OMGWTFBBQ.
I apologized about seventeen eleventy bajillion times, but it didn't matter. She was PISSED.
And now she's seeking revenge.
So while she's being super cooperative and helpful and polite, she's also scheming how she's going to scare the crap out of me. I fully expect to wake up one of these days to find that she has glued a second head onto one of the cats.
Or worse.
