It started a few moments after my 17-year old feet first touched Spanish soil. Somehow, everything was ... different. I was different. I stood out.
I couldn't figure out why.
As time went by, I became more and more certain that people were assuming things based on ... what? I wasn't sure. I'm sure it sounds paranoid and there's no way I can prove it, but I swear to you I encountered people who immediately assumed I was dumb on a near daily basis. Even more evident, there were a lot of men who thought it was appropriate to hit on me in particularly vulgar and cruel ways. I enjoyed my time in Spain, but every day I was a little on edge because I knew they all knew I was different. I wasn't one of them. I was a "dumb, slutty American."
It was the eyes, by the way. I figured it out about three months in. It wasn't that my hair was lighter than anyone else's, nor was it that my Spanish wasn't up to par. It was the blue eyes. The only blue eyes I saw the entire time I was in Spain were my own staring back at me in the mirror.
I won't pretend to know what it's like going through life as a minority, but that little taste of being treated differently because of my appearance was enough. I felt it deeply, all the way to my bones.
It wasn't OK.
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Twenty years later, those bones are older, but they still feel the sting of being treated differently. I think that's why I did it. I think that's why I fussed and fidgeted and made sure I changed my avatar on both of my Facebook accounts. One is my personal account, a virtual landmine for drama and stupidity that I can't quite figure out how to control. The other account is my public blog page -- it's the part of Facebook I use. It felt like a really ridiculous thing to set up that page when I did it, but it has turned out to be a very good thing.
It's my sandbox. Play nice or I'll kick you out.
So I changed my avatars. It was a silent but meaningful act.
And it was silent and meaningful act when people unfollowed and unfriended me shortly after I changed that avatar.
Yes, I saw you do it. I don't normally keep tabs on who is where or likes me or doesn't, but there are some administrative tools on the Facebook Page side that make it hard to not see when people go away. I don't care. I'm not offended by it.
But I did notice.
For those who unfriend or unfollow or unlike someone virtually when they demonstrate support for equality, I have one thing I want to make sure you know. I want you to know that when the day comes that you are the only one standing there with blue eyes, or you're the oldest, or whatever it is that will some day make you the minority (and it will happen) I want you to know that then ...
especially then ...
I will stand beside you and loudly demand that you be treated equally.
It's the right thing to do.
