If there is anywhere on this planet where teens can go to let their stupid hang out, it's Kennywood. Between the girls in high heels and tiny tops teetering around in droves and the boys falling over from the stupid that is hormones as they stare at the high heels and tiny tops, it's a giant mess of kids acting The Fool.
I've known this for years.
Alexis just figured it out this summer.
As we stood in line for a roller coaster recently, she stood open-mouthed and gaping at a gaggle of giggling girls. One had "Juicy" plastered across her barely long enough to cover her cheeks shorts. Another was wearing a top that was so low-cut she couldn't bend over without her belly button bopping her in the chin. Another was flipping the extensions in her hair around so often I thought she might take flight like a helicopter. All three of them were loud and obnoxious and generally acting like hormones had taken over their brains.
"Momma, why are they acting like that?" Alexis asked, her obvious confusion dripping from her voice.
"I don't know," I replied. Is there really an explanation that would make sense to a 6-year old? I think not.
A little later we stood in line for the pirate ship, which happens to be a ride that Alexis considers to be for little kids. She still thinks it's fun, but it's "kinda boring," in her approximation.
It's far from boring when there are twenty or so teenagers on it, though.
The flirting that was being thrown around from row-to-row of that ride included classics like the "Screaming Girl Who Needs Comforted" to the "Tough Guy Who Doesn't Flinch" to "Let's All Giggle Like Everything He Says Is The Funniest Thing Ever."
Alexis was ... confounded. I think that's the best word. She didn't understand, she was confused, and she was mortified.
"Momma," she whispered as soon as we got off of the ride. "Are all teenagers stupid?"
In our house "stupid" is considered a word we aren't supposed to use, but really, is there a better word to describe teens at Kennywood? I let the minor infraction pass.
"Yeah," I answered. "They pretty much are."
Alexis pondered the news for a few moments, her face scrunched up deep in concentration.
"Momma," she finally said, "I'm not going to be stupid when I'm a teenager. I promise."
IT'S IN WRITING, KID. YOU BETTER MAKE GOOD ON THAT PROMISE.
