I have bad skin. Terrible, no-good, awful skin. I always have. I've gone through phases where I care about it and try to do whatever I can to ward off the evil skin demons, but mostly it just is. The things that sort of work tend to have worse side effects than just leaving it alone, so whatever. Call me crazy, but I tend to think acne sounds a heck of a lot more fun than, say, skin cancer. So, makeup! Makeup is good! And I'm OK with that.
Since Alexis was born, I've become sort of paranoid about putting makeup on in the presence of the very impressionable short person. I just don't know how to explain to her that she is absolutely perfect, but I'm not. She'll have plenty of time for not being perfect later, like when puberty takes over her brain and makes her completely irrational in about eight years. Of course, there's the whole icky feeling about implying that anybody needs makeup to be "perfect," the whole "I want you to be confident in who you are, but screw that, I don't have to be," and the general suckiness that is society's expectations and blah, blah, blah. Grown-up women wear makeup, and I need to wear a little extra. Little kids are gorgeous just the way they are. It makes sense in my grown-up head, but I can't seem to explain it to her.
Today I screwed up. Without thinking about it, I slapped on a little powder and lip gloss while Alexis was in the car with me. She immediately started pleading for "lick-stick." That happens to be on the Almost Permitted List around here, so I passed her a tube of Chapstick and she was happy. For a minute. Then I heard, "My cheeks aren't pretty."
"You are beautiful just the way your are," I responded, perhaps cursing at myself under my breath.
Alexis didn't believe me. She started to cry, all the while begging to put some makeup on her cheeks. Then she wailed the words that were like daggers to my heart, "I want to be beautiful like you, momma."
Oye. Vey. I'm not cut out for this kind of stuff.
Eventually I turned the conversation around and managed to get Alexis to tell me that she has beautiful eyes, a cute nose, and a pretty face, but it wasn't easy.
And it's only going to get harder.
Oye.
Vey.
