I can say with utmost certainty that I have never declared the "5 Second Rule" to be a thing. Promise. Never ever. I haven't told Alexis about it.
At the same time, I've never actually stopped her from standing in the kitchen, accidentally dropping a piece of food, counting to five loudly, and then declaring something safe to eat.
I have no clue where she got the whole thing from, but whatever. I'm sure she eats more than her fair share of cat and dog hair anyway, whether she picks food up off of the floor or not.
There was one thing I didn't consider each time Alexis has pulled out the 5 Second Rule as justification for her actions -- she is really very literal. Rules are extremely black and white in her world, to the point that she would rather listen to Justin Bieber music for 24 hours straight than break any rule. ANY RULE.
(Parenting a kid who can't imagine breaking rules is pretty awesome, by the way.)
Now that I string all of those words together, I suppose I should have seen it coming. I should have known that when Alexis turned to me and said, "It takes 5 seconds for germs to stick to things anyway," I was about to crush her universe. I should have just shut up and let her keep thinking that because HOOBOY.
I wasn't wise enough to think things through and told the kid germs stick immediately. In a flash, she realized the 5 Second Rule isn't a real thing and in a flash and a half, she was nearly catatonic with regret. She laid her head down on the kitchen counter and began stressing out. And stressing out. And stressing out. SO MANY GERMS. CONSUMED. THE HORROR.
I tried to console her with the fact that our house is generally fairly clean, especially considering the cat/dog to human ratio. I mean, it's not spotless by any means, but I do sweep the kitchen floor at least three times a week. It's not THAT bad.
And then Alexis admitted that she has made use of the 5 Second Rule at school.
I basically told her that probably wasn't a good idea, so maybe we should stop that part. Just maybe.
It didn't really make her feel better.
I finally asked what would make her feel better. Without hesitation, Alexis turned to me and said, "The only thing that can fix this is a time machine so I can go back and not eat all of those things."
