Sometimes Alexis asks the hard questions. "Momma, who did I smile at first? And when?"
Schedules and logistics being what they were at the time, it was probably me. Probably. I'm not actually sure. It might be written in the original blog, the one that is no longer online but exists in hard copy, but I'd have to dig to get my hands on it.
So, I'm not sure.
"Can I see a picture of me smiling when I was a baby?"
Well, yeah. I'm sure such a thing exists. The digging for that was a little easier, so I hunted for the treasure and delivered.
Alexis was ecstatic at first, but then disappointed. She said there weren't enough photos of her as a tiny baby.
The thing is, I didn't have a smart phone back then. I was WAY late to that game, so when she was a baby I had to dig out the camera. It was a crappy point and shoot camera that liked to think real hard before it took any photos. So, it missed a lot.
I missed a lot.
I mean, I was there. I was present for all of those moments ... her first smile, her first laugh, her first time standing ... all of it. I was there. I didn't have a smart phone, so I was there AND I was present in the moment.
Isn't that how it works? I keep seeing articles and blog posts urging me to be more "present in the moment". The writers lecture me about looking at my phone all through the day. Cell phones are bad for parenting, they say. I should put away my phone and my camera and enjoy my children while they are small.
Or, I could pause while grocery shopping to fully enjoy Mila grinning from ear to ear. I could pick up my phone and take a photo or five. I could focus fully on that moment.
This way I will be able to revisit that moment for years to come.