Ouch. My Ears.
Monday, January 5, 2015
burghbaby

A very long time ago, Alexis was often referred to as "The Screamapillar." It was a well-earned nickname that was PERFECT because of her love of screaming.

Imagine walking through Target with a baby who loves to scream. Randomly. At the top of her lungs.

It happened all of the time.

Screaming as if Freddy Krueger had just popped out from behind the laundry detergent with Elmo's bloody head in one hand and a machete in the other brought the kid joy. Pure joy. She would let out a scream that made everyone in this time zone cringe, and then she would giggle. She had discovered her ability to make everyone suffer and she loved it.

Fortunately, she mostly outgrew a love for screaming. She has channeled that love into a love for yelling from the sidelines at football games, but whatever.

Um, you guys, Mila has discovered screaming.

But because Mila and Alexis are opposite human beings, Mila does it out of meanness. She demands things by suddenly blurting out the loudest scream you can imagine.

"DROP EVERYTHING AND FEED ME, WOMAN."

"BRING ME ALL OF THE TOYS."

"THE UNIVERSE IS NOT ARRANGED TO MY LIKING. MOVE PLUTO CLOSER. NOW."

I would just like to publicly apologize to everyone who encounters The Screamer in public. Truly. I'm sorry.

Now somebody please pass me the earplugs.

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