I walked into the kitchen and immediately knew I had walked into a trap. "What did you do with that tooth, anyway?" the husband asked.
I knew any answer I gave would be the wrong answer. He prefers to keep ALL OF THE THINGS while I prefer to burn ALL OF THE THINGS.
In my defense, I did think about it before I threw away the first tooth that ever fell out of Alexis' face. I thought about it for a very long four seconds. Maybe five. When I couldn't answer the question, "Why would I keep this anyway?" with any sort of intelligent answer, I knew what I should do. The cherry on top is that it would be exactly my luck for Alexis to find a stash of her baby teeth. There is no way to explain your way out of that sort of mess.
I finally answered that the Tooth Fairy had thrown away the tooth and watched in awe as smoke started coming out of the husband's ears. He was not amused. At all. He gave me the usual "I can't believe you didn't keep that" look and walked away, clearly not happy with me.
It's cute when hoarders get mad at non-hoarders for getting rid of things, isn't it?
I told twitter as much and then was shocked . . . absolutely SHOCKED at the replies.
You guys. There are people who are not certifiable hoarders who keep baby teeth.
WHY? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
I asked and was never really given an answer that makes sense. For example:
Although, I will admit that I didn't think this idea was altogether bad:
But that's only because I have a thing for creepy dolls.
I do not, however, have a thing for keeping nail clippings. Because OMGWTFBBQPUKE.
Even more puke-inducing:
You guys, I want a bracelet made of human teeth just so I can chase people with it. You know very well everyone would run for dear life. But then I'd have to wear the bracelet, and that ain't happening.
Because, you know, THIS.
"Discarded human tissue" is EXACTLY right. That is why I don't need to keep no freakish baby teeth.
Although, this is a moderately amusing idea:
But nowhere near as attractive as this idea:
That's it. That was the only reason I could find to keep baby teeth--so that I could freak Alexis out in 30 years or so. Perhaps I could give them to her as a house-warming gift?
Oh! Wait! I know! I'll make them into a mug and THEN I will give them to her as a house-warming gift. Don't even think about stealing my idea--it will be trademarked by morning.
Seriously, y'all, why in the world would anyone want their baby teeth? I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.